Alone?

When I think about church
and close friendships
or the lack there of,
I see the isolated
place God has brought me.
A sort of desert,
all alone.
God has brought me?
Yes...
I asked myself that as well.
Am I sure,
this place,
(that seems so dangerous)
is a place God would want me?
Then I remembered:
Psalms 66:11-12
 You brought us into prison
    and laid burdens on our backs.
 You let people ride over our heads;
    we went through fire and water,
    but you brought us to a spacious place.
And I remembered the first time I read that...
I re-read it over and over.
Really?
Did that just say that?
God, have your brought me
to prison with heavy burdens
so that I would love this spacious place?
I never thought of a desert as a spacious place,
until now.
I do hope and long for fellowship,
yet this new desert home
is so strange
I also walk around exploring the terrain
with a childlike curiosity
for all I am meant to learn here.
Who was here before me
and what did Abba desire to show them?
I'm not afraid
just surprised
and hopeful for what God will do here.
God, keep me close
and teach me
all you desire me to learn here.

c Kim Damon 2013

Turn Around

I heard an illustration once
about a cat
having its fur pet
in the wrong direction.
As painful,
uncomfortable and wrong
it felt for the cat,
it hurt the human as well.

In the illustration
the human is God
and we
are the cat.

So what's wrong with this picture?
God is never wrong.
So we,
(as the cat)
need to turn around.

I thought of this
when I was joyfully
washing up breakfast dishes,
I couldn't have been enjoying myself more.
How strange a feeling
of peace and joy.
Strange…
Because at one time,
I hated washing dishes and cleaning.

I thought about the cat,
and realized
I turned around.

It was always right
for me to be helpful
and to serve others
but it only felt right
when I turned around.

I realized my life
is the story of me
at many stages of
turn around.
And my litmus test
(of peace and joy)
is God's grace to me.
When I feel wrong and unsettled
I'm pointed in a direction
that's not God's best for me.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things

Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your Word.

Even as I pray this
and love these words
I feel distracted;
my eyes and my mind
continually look away
to worthless things.
I pray thee Lord to save me
from the retch that I am.
We are (indeed)
blind pitiful and poor.
Even my best attempts at holiness
and sincerity are interrupted
with thoughts that are impure
or unfocused.

Is there any hope for me?
Have we all like sheep gone astray?
When the Lord returns,
will there be any who are faithful,
any who understand,
any who seek God?

Surely,
lest you save us from ourselves Lord,
we don't stand a chance.
I fear
I am as capable of forfeiting my prized position
as a gullible child.
Father, keep me by your strength.
I fear
I am not strong enough to stand the test
to be found ready and waiting
at the Lords return.
In fact,
when I consider all my faults,
all I do is fear...

But, then I am heartened
by the remembrance of His words...
"He is able"
and I remember,
it's not about me,
He is able.
It's about Him.
He is the Author
and Finisher
of my faith.
Some of my chapters are sad
some make me ashamed
some put me on top of the mountain
in the presence of the Lord.

But my story is about the faithfulness
and constant loving kindness
of my never changing
passionately loving
all powerful
mighty
King Jesus.
He is not just any author
in human terms,
they'll be no unresolved plots,
no abandoned work,
no writers block.

He is the Author,
and the Finisher
of my faith.

In all my distractions
He pours out more grace,
lavishes it on me.
Around every corner
awaits new signs of His love,
more reminders
of His faithfulness and care.

Two constants I see clearly in my story:
I am never as holy as I wish I was
and His love for me is not changed by my weaknesses.

The story of my life and faith
is all about
His strength
that covers my weaknesses.
It's all about my continually being surprised
by His kindness to me.
I'm continually amazed
that He says my name.
that He doesn't give up on me
that He does not abandon me
for another more holy more righteous vessel.
That He grabs my attention
and shows me His glory
in my lowest hours.

How could God be so kind?
How could I look away from such beauty?
How could I resist such love?

Maranatha!

Come Lord Jesus
on your white horse
and rescue your bride.
Come Lord Jesus
finish my story of faith
with everlasting love
exchanged in glory.

Come!

c Kim Damon 2013

A Thought

 

There came a thought,

to the peripheral of my thinking

of supreme importance,

yet, enough out of reach,

were I to continue on

with random self-important thoughts,

I would have missed it.

I felt it’s weight and value

it beckoned me to focus,

and abandon trivial pursuits.

My mind reached out

and grabbed the thought
with complete concentration,

and I opened my ears

in stillness,

to listen.

Even this exercise

in disciplined

surrender

and anticipated discovery,

was an analogy of my

message, itself.

God’s ways are not my ways

His thoughts are not my thoughts.

If I am to walk in the freedom

and victory

of a child of God

I must let go of self.

All believers,

must quit playing church,

quit busing themselves

with self-important,

self-serving matters,

and surrender,

reach out,

and hold on for dear life,

to the Savior of their souls.

Yet even as I write the words,

I know,

the bond of salvation 

is not secured by my grip,

but in my longing for connection,

my Savior reaches out past my grasping hand,

for my entire self,

and the arm

that is not too short to save

lifts me into His presence.

I am on the water with my Lord,

storms raging around.

I sit by the fire with  my Lord,

tears stream

and heart warmed

by my Lords request

for loves surrender.

He is the vine,

I am the branch.

He valued me enough

to graft me in.

How could I not desire

loves abiding surrender?

His ways are not my ways,

His thoughts are not my thoughts.

I was made of earthly things,

which swirl still around my mind.

He has no beginning

and Heaven holds His throne.

I want nothing more,

than what He wants,

for my every moment and thought.

The freedom,

victory,

and rest

I long for,

are found only in Him. 

Seeing all other things,

in light of His love.

With His love flowing

in my veins,

I surrender,

focus

and abide in Him.

So this day

I commit to

be still and listen,

even in the noise of my busy day.

He is the pearl of great price,

my Perfect Thought,

the Oil to light my way,

I would be ill equipped and foolish with out.

Oh, Lord

Wrap me up and keep me hidden in You.

Your ways are not my ways,

Your thoughts are not my thoughts.

A Mom’s Meditation

I pictured the few minutes

I have with each child

Before school each day

and the few minutes

I have with my husband

before work takes our

lives busily away.

And I saw Jesus

taking my place,

standing in my kitchen,

my office,

the hall,

having those moments

with my family.

I couldn’t imagine

them not being

impacted by having spent

even just a few minutes with Him.

How much better their day would go,

their lives would be.

I wished,

I prayed,

I longed,

to know how to be

Christ for them,

to know what He would have

me say

and ask

and do…

Mostly I saw

what I didn’t do.

My face was turned to them,

(not the computer).

The most important

thing in the room

became them.

They had my eye contact,

my attention,

my loves focus,

and care.

I was not desiring

to teach, so much

or correct

or direct.

I was wanting

To convey love,

safety,

adoring security.

It was all the things

I find

when I come into the Lord’s presence

It’s why I love coming.

Not that He doesn’t

teach,

correct,

direct,

and guide,

but all that flows

from the safety

of His love.

“Help me Lord”

Again, I pray.

I want to be the arms

You reach out to my children with,

the voice

You speak to them with.

Forgive me Lord

for being distracted…

Is it possible to live

an undistracted life?

Surely,

YOU did,

Lord.

God, be my distraction,

consume my passions,

and let your love remain.

Could I be the mom

You want my kids

to be blessed by?

Could I be the

wife

boss

friend

and child of God

that does “what pleases you”

Let me “with unveiled face,

reflect the glory of the Lord”

Let the “ministry

that leads to Life”
minister through me

to my family and loved ones.

I surrender to Your will.

May my life be lived as a holy sacrifice,

As an act of worship

to you my King,

my love

my Lord.

Inhabit my day.

All my moments

I give to you.

For Christ’s glory

 And because I bare His name,

Amen

c Kim Damon 2013

Silence

Silence…Novels are written and spoken in its melody…
At times I have hated it
(when I was ruled by fear).
At times I have loved it
(when I was hopeful).
At times I have been confused by it
(well…when I was confused).
But when I embrace the silence...
it’s as if I’m walking the halls of my mind and soul
with the Lord at my side.
As we walk,
He points things out to me.
Things I have missed in the noise of my day
Things I have set in the corner,
afraid to deal with.
I’ve found on these walks,
the things I fear
hold incredible blessings for me.
And with the Lord beside me,
I never need fear.
So when the Lord says:
“Be still and listen”,
He’s really saying:
“Come away with me, my love”.
Silence…Novels are written and spoken in its rhythm…
As we walk
In the quiet
I’m learning so much
I want to capture every thought
I don’t want a bit to pass away.
I want to remember
and enjoy the steps we’ve taken together
As if the gems of insight
could be fashioned into a beautiful necklace
to be worn throughout my day
or as a song I could hum
when I need to feel His nearness again.
So I write…
I write the words He spoke
in our silent walks
I hear the rhythm
and the melody again in my mind
as the pencil caresses the paper
and then again
as my keas click with my touch.
Typing is my favorite.
I love to close my eyes
and type the words
as tears stream down my cheeks
the Lord sits with me when I write.
Like two friends remembering a journey
they’ve traveled together
still he’s teaching me
still I’m listening
still embracing the silence.
Silence...novels are written and spoken it it’s melody…

Stolen Away

I saw myself being picked up

and sitting on the Fathers lap.

My head resting on His chest.

I knew this time had been given to me.

I knew the Father stole me away

and brought me to a spacious place.

All attempts at pulling me back

were deflected.

This was His time

with me.

Time to eat honey

and wild locust.

Time to refocus.

Time to listen,

just to listen…

and be refreshed.

Still the picture of sitting on His lap…

”She’s mine!”

His hand holding others away.

Togetherness.

Adoring.

Safety.

Focused.

Protected.

Still water.

Powerful covering.

So close I feel His heartbeat.

Affection received.

Demands only a distant noise.

I am growing stronger

as I rest.

Weeping

from loves focus,

truth penetrating,

deeply

to affect my core.

Lies and masks exposed,

removed,

made powerless.

Identity, restored.

Nothing demanded,

love exchanged.

Stillness.

Hope growing,

peace that sustains.

Empowerment

fear crushed

and faith growing from the ashes.

Unshakable vision

that sustains

and changes vision

like glasses

for the inferior sight,

clarity.

Truth,

light,

love.

c. Kim Damon 2013