The thorn in my flesh

I feel the Truth of God
welling up
within me.
I'm painfully bursting
at the seams of my soul
longing to express Truth.

My mouth opens and
Truth pours out
at times to my surprise.

God hold my heart.
It fears man.
I think I'm judged.
I fear once my mouth opens
I talk too much.
I fear the truth is too heavy,
to deep
for casual conversation.
I fear others are angry
with me.

Yet, I cant help speaking
when You well up within me.

God help me
to be obedient.

Help others
whom I might
unintentionally intimidate.
God grant that this package
(of my life and voice)
may not offend
the listener
or bring You
disgrace.

God let me disappear
and let your Word
be heard
and bare fruit
for righteousness
in Your kingdom
for Your glory.

Let me move by Your Spirit
alone
extinguish
any self motivation
(that may creep beyond my view)
and be glorified.

Let this pain
be a reminder
of my constant
reliance on you.

Father guard the doors of my mouth
that I might not sin
and that I would only speak
when You are the author
and motivator
of my words.

And God would you
make a way
for me to
teach.
I miss it so much.
In your time,
by your design.

I surrender
even my longing
to you.

So many tears...

Longing to talk about
my favorite thing.
All of life
I see
through the lens
of faith
and truth.
It is gloriously
glistening
all around
and to express this
is what I long for.

God help me.
Give me permission
to speak.

So many tears.

Show me my place.
Use me Father.

c Kim Damon 2013

Saturday

Saturday,
oh Saturday
I lay this day at your feet,
Lord.
Father,
I turn my face to you
and surrender this day
to your will.

I give you (as well)
all my fleshly desires,
all my selfish motives,
and the sinful longings
that lurk in my heart.
Cleans me
and make my path
straight.

Steer me away from the pitfalls
in this day
and walk with me.
May I make the most
of ever opportunity
and enjoy
Your nearness
today.

I don't doubt,
You have a plan for me
I fear,
I will miss it;
I fear ,
we all miss it,
more often than not,
to our loss,
to the loss of those we love,
to the loss,
of those you are seeking to save.

Father,
please don't let me
miss it.

Tears well to think of grieving
Your Spirit.
My comforter,
my consoler,
my confidant,
and companion,
my guide,
and my joy.

I'm sorry for grieving
the Spirit of God.
Please help me
(in spite of myself)
to honor
what is Honorable
and walk by Your Spirit
not in the flesh
today.

c Kim Damon 2013

My days are numbered
all of them were written
in your book
before one of them
came to be.

Father, there were good works,
         you created me
                     to accomplish
                           (planned before the creation of the world)
                                               for me to do.

Please don't let me miss
a thing.

If I,
by my life,
am missing the mark,
                         change me.
                               Redirect me.
                                         Alter my course.

If I am ineffective,
         by my patterns
                        in this life,
                                  change my life.

Please don't let me
         live an inattentive life,
                   oblivious to Your will,
                                       distracted by
                                                counterfeits.
                                                        When the pearl of grate price
                                                                            awaits
                                                                          my notice.

Oh how many times
I must grieve
Your Spirit.
Father,
I'm sorry.
I give you my will.

Fix my inspiration.
Fix my motives
and motivations.
Fix my heart,
and all that I love.
Fix my focus,
Purify my love

        Search me, O God, and know my heart;
                         test me and know my anxious thoughts.


                                               Teach me to number my days,
                                                          that I may gain a heart of wisdom.


c Kim Damon 2013

Consider Him who suffered at the hands of sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I was baptized when I was 10 by my Grandfather who was a Baptist minister. My theology up to that point had largely been gleaned from a church that sent a bus around to our apartment complex each week, as my parents did not attend church. It was on one of those Sunday visits (when I was 6 or 7 years old.) that I said the “sinner’s prayer” and asked the Creator of all things (my Savior) to come into my heart.

My Grandfather told a joke from the pulpit of 2 and a half lives that had been saved... 2 adults and 1 child you might assume, but (he continued) it was actually 2 children and 1 adult. (as, the child has their entire life to give God and the adult only half a life).

So there I was…giving all my life to God. I wonder now, how I could have been so wise, yet so young.  Thankfully, God took His part in our relationship much more seriously than I, mine.

My parents divorced the year I was baptized and I went to live with my Dad. He was a preacher’s kid, but rebelled long before I was born. When he returned from Vietnam he was not able to smoothly join society and self-medicated with marijuana and whiskey.  He’s been drunk and high every day since 1968.

My Dad was very loving, although strangely controlling with an explosive temper.  He began sharing hard liquor with me when I was about 12 and getting me high around 14. When I was 16 and our personalities clashed, he kicked me out of the house. I quite school and worked 2 jobs to support myself.

I worked the “bar run” as a waitress at the Best Western (7-3). We feed the drunks when the bar closed, so they’d feel better in the morning. My co-worker, Terry, was a bit rough around the edges but very kind, with an inner piece I was drawn to. I learned later that her previous profession was the oldest profession (before she had given her life to Christ.)

I came to work late one day still “tired” from the night before and asked if she had anything to wake me up. Flashing her a condescending look I said “No thanks” to the offer of diet pills. But Terry didn’t judge me. She knew me. She saw right through me, and she prayed for me. After a few months, she invited me to church with her and her girls. I gladly went.

It was a sweet little place. Every one hugged when they entered and the preacher had a beard and played the guitar. For some reason each time he played I began to cry. That never changed the entire time I attended church there. My heart was the Lords and He was melting it. Changing me on the inside. Claiming me as His own.

The time came for me to move, but I brought my Bible with me, as well as all the seeds lovingly planted by the little congregation of Abundant Life Christian Fellowship. The next two years I moved from Idaho to Washington, to Alaska then to Las Vegas and to NY. I didn't have a home town (as a military brat) so when I felt like it was time to go, I would ask “Where now, Lord?” and move. Although my heart belonged to the Lord, my life reflected my lack of parental restrictions. I lived in excess and sinned more at that time than ever before. I read my Bible most every night and heard very clearly two things: The Lord loved me and He was displeased with my sin.

Just after my 18^th birthday, I landed in Watertown, NY. At my first job interview I was smitten with my future boss (and husband). I gave my 2 week notice on our first date and we were married within the year. That was 26 years (and 6 children) ago. I was welcomed into Tim’s large Catholic family as his 13 siblings and their families filled Tim’s side of the Immaculate Conception Church while my Maternal Grandfather gave me away, and my Mom, aunt and brother gave me their support.

After our second child turned 10 months old, we moved to Potsdam, NY so Tim could attend college. I immediately found Koinonia Church (which became my extended family). I grew in my faith, being well feed and discipled in their midst. 

           It’s hard to put so many years into a succinct paragraph form. Hard to talk about hard years and painful choices, yet my story is one of God, his protection, His grace, and His kindness in choosing me.  Out of all the messed up girls in this world, I am still amazed, He chose me. I’m stubborn and rebellious yet He sees me steadfast and tenacious. I’m foolish and week, yet He makes me wise and His power is made perfect in my weakness. I think it’s easy to judge me, I do (all too often). Yet, when I put my eyes back on the Lord, I see I’m loved and His love gives me value. I bare His name, and live to give Him glory. 

           So why did I start with: Consider Him who suffered at the hands of sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart? If I focus on my past and where I've been, I very easily can become either bitter for all I have suffered (at the hands of sinful men) or I feel filthy, unusable, ruined and broken…if I however, consider Him who suffered, I see His grace to walk where I walked. To be tempted every way I was tempted. And to endure, without sin so He could be the pure spotless Lamb taking my punishment.  He also (by what He endured) has sympathy when I call out to Him. Knowing the pain I have suffered and even more, He sits at the right and of the Father and makes intercession for me. 

          Because of the price He paid for me, I have worth. I have been set free. Yet, I live as a bond servant of Christ. Ever living to seek His will and glory in my life, and to make known the riches of His kindness, mercy and love.

Prayer born out of Study in Ephesians

Father,
if you placed all things under Christ's feet
and appointed him to be head over everything,
then he's head of my home,
my work,
my mind,
our government,
our President,
all world leaders,
and my heart.

Father,
you put everything under his feet
and made him the head
for the church,
like,
to benefit the church,
to build her,
to establish her,
to hold her together,
and make her spotless,
redeamed and whole,
beautiful and pure,
with no blemish.

Somehow
when the powers
principalities
and even humans
look at the church,
they will see the fullness of Christ.

This is a mind blowing truth.

So incredible
(in fact)
to be a part of the church,
we may be tempted to be proud
and boast
so thank you for Pauls reminder
that while I was dead in my transgressions and sins
following the ways of this world
and gratifying the cravings of my flesh
instead of giving me your wrath
your great love compelled you
to shower stock piles of mercy
over me.
You made me alive with Christ
though
I had been dead.

Father you've made it clear,
it is by your grace
I have been saved
and raisd up with Christ
In fact
my spot has been saved by Christ
at his table
So that in the future
the abundance and beauty
of your grace
poured out in
the love of Christ
will be fully seen.

I dare not boast.

Ever.

This was not from myself
This was all your doing
your gift to me

Father, I am your handiwork
created in Christ to do
the good work
you planned for me to do.

c Kim Damon 2013

I mean...Wow. Eph. 1:3-11

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is right to talk about how cool Jesus is.
who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ
He is the One who has given us every one of His benefits.
For he choose us in Him before the creation of the world

When God was brain-storming about all the things He would make, He choose me.
to be holy and blameless in His sight.
He even chose not to knowledge any sin that would existed in me and He set me apart for His use.
In love, He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ
Because of His love He made up His mind in advance to adopt me (a gentile) as His child
along with His chosen people, by the work of Christ on the cross.
In accordance with his pleasure and will

And He did this, because it made Him happy to do it.
to the praise of his glorious grace,

that's why it's right to talk about His powerful, life altering, mind blowing underserved favor.
which he has freely given us in the One he loves

And that favor is give without cost (to us) by the work of Christ (whom God the Father adores.)
In him we have redemption through his blood,
The cost for our salvation was paid in full, with Christ's blood
the forgiveness of sins

Every charge brought against me (for every sin I would commit) has been nullified.
My punishment (my death penalty) was paid in full.
in accordance with the riches of God's grace
The wealth of God (in the commodity of undeserved kindness and favor) did this.
that he lavished on us.
He pours this [undeserved kindness and favor] out on us liberally.
with all wisdom and understanding
He knew what it would take to purchase us and keep us (taking all things against us into consideration).
he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure

He even thought it would be cool to tell us about His plan, His desire and work, carried out by Christ.
which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment
At just the right time in creations history
to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

So that all things ever made would be brought together to serve Christ.
In him we were also chosen,

It's by Christ's sacrifice, the Father picked us.
having been predestined
Picked us before He created the world.
according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity to the purpose of his will.

because He could and wanted to, so He did.

Face to face

Father,
Your Word says
You desire us to seek your face,
this is the deep cry of my heart,
to have You look at me
and I at You;
to stand with You
face to face.

If I close my eyes
and imagine it,
I feel the love
and complete understanding.
and I could stand there forever,
looking into the deep pools of love
in Your eyes.
I'm captured by Your love
and held fast.
No reason to move
all I ever needed,
ever wanted,
is there,
in your presence.

Maybe after a long time
(of enjoying our togetherness)
we would exchange words,
expressions of love.
Salvation is one big expression of love
but to hear you say it...
would be the pinnacle experience
of all my life.

You Father,
look for those who
worship in Spirit and truth.
Pick me.
Father,
pick me.

You are going to send Jesus
to go get His bride one day,
Oh how I long for that day,
and surrender to your
process of purification
that we may be ready,
without spot or blemish.

I think of how painful it is
when the dross is being burned away...
but oh
         how
               worth it.

When I think about the goal,
the joy set before me,
(of being united with You)
it's enough to endure any hardship.
I go willingly into any trial,
knowing your council
                      and provision
                            and fellowship
                                       go with me.

Just as real as when we stand
face to face,
like reading a love note
over and over
I feel the love,
but only a foretaste
and oh how I long for that day.
Lord let me be found
about your business
upon your return.

Loving
feeding
and caring for
the poor
the broken
the week
and addicted
the imprisoned
and widowed
the orphaned 
and oppressed.

You were pretty clear
about a few things in your Word,
for those who seek your favor,
who seek salvation,
who seek your face,
who worship you
with all their heart,
soul,
mind,
and strength,
we are told to:
love You
and love people.

Not just the loveable ones
You in effect said:
That doesn't count.
Love those who are unlovable
do for those
who cant repay.

So that's it.
Here's life
and all the resources of heaven.

Love God
and love people.
I'll be back soon.
I'm not leaving you as orphans
I will live within you
and even help you.

Oh God,
let me work every day
with Your goal
as my goal.
and when I pause to read your love note
and meditate on days to come...
Fill me with all I need
to will and to do
your good.

Until we stand
face to face.

c Kim Damon 2013