If you could change one thing about this day

If you could change one thing
about this day
(the one you are about to walk into)
to make it really spectacular,
it should not be your shoes
or your clothes.

Don't get me wrong,
I love nice clothes
and a well put together look,
But if you want a really great day,
you need to change your mind.

What you think,
what you believe
will determine your outlook
on all that happens to you
and around you.

For instance,
If you believe you are entitled to
good things,
when they come, gratitude will allude you
(because you deserved them!)
If bad things come, you'll be bitter
because you will feel ripped off,
when you should have had better!

But if you go (instead) into this day
with a feeling of expectancy
(of the goodness of God)
(and secure in the love of God)
knowing He has your back,
and will work all things out for your good,
anything can happen,
and you will remain secure.

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.

All my good ideas...

I've had some really good ideas
throughout the years.
I mean tons,
of really, really
good ideas.

It's actually kinda shocking
how many I've had.
Like, it even surprises me.

Literally!
I go back sometimes
and reread from a journal
or something will sparks a memory
and I'll look it up on my blog,
and I'm amazed
at the really good stuff there.

And the coolest thing...
the thing that brings me to tears
to even acknowledge is,

all my good ideas
come from God.

The Creator of all things,
whispers to me.
He shows me pictures
He inspires me.

He takes the broken pieces of my life
and my mind
the confused
the distorted
the unholy,

the sorrowful
the selfish
and the sinful,

and somehow,

He rearranges me,
and makes me
a temple
that He will dwell in.

He not only fills me
(which is so incredible)
He makes me a light on a hill
a light house
on a storm tossed sea.

Those waves scare me sometimes.
At times they hurt me
and mach my stability.

But I am built on a rock
and filled with such radiant light.
I am warmed,
my fears,
subside
and I'm sustained.

I have had some really great ideas
in my life.

But just as the sand that formed the bricks
of the light house,
are due no credit
for the light it emits,
I humbly stand in awe,
at the glory of the Lord.
At His mercy and favor
at His kindness and splendor.

God,
make me a channel of your peace,
change me by your peace.
And help me to be faithful
in bringing you glory,
at letting you shine.

Please don't ever let me be embarrassed
by how completely unable to hide your light,
I am.
Please don't let me
want to.

Your Light is shocking
even to me,
it's shocking to the darkness.
At times I want to hide.
But there you are,
bursting at the seams unable to be contained!

I see you in the children
I hear you in kind words of strangers.
God I need you
and you call me higher
and you grow me deeper
and you somehow
make me whole
and you sustain me.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you!

The keeper of my heart

Are you ever afraid of being put in a situation

that you have sinned in (many times before)?

I am.

...and “lead me not into temptation”

just fails to fully plead my case.

I have to walk there,

God, come with me.

Let me be more than protected from the desire to sin,

Let me be useful in your plan.

Let me do the good things you desired me to be about,

when you were planning my days,

writing them in your book,

before one of them came to be.

Could I be more important than I feel?

Could I have identity, value, and worth

in your plan,

beyond what my shortsighted expectations anticipate?

My sort-sighted expectations

see me sinning

or trying so hard not to

that I'm distracted and miserable

no fun to be around.

I know Jesus never sinned,

but did he ever want to?

Was it ever hard, not to?

I put a fake smile on the other day.

I wasn't trying to fake it,

well, yes I was,

but I was doing hard stuff,

not physically,

but hard on my pride.

I became aware that my mood was displayed on my face.

And that I may unintentionally harm those around me

by pulling them down.

Or worse,

I may cause them to react to me, in a like manner

(miserably) which I couldn't bare,

so I pushed the sides of my mouth up

in the shape I know forms a smile

(wrestling and grieving still in my heart)

and looked up to find the person I wanted most

to see my smile in front of me.

This is my battle.

God where is the place to run and cry,

yell, sob, and be week

(without causing someone else to stumble)?

My world is so peopled,

my time so accounted for,

there is often no place to steel away to.

God help me.

God help me.

God help me.

I know you will.

But I have to ask,

because the fear and the sadness

are surrounding me right now.

Help me to put to death

the deeds of the flesh

and walk by your Spirit,

for your glory,

and to be a light.

Hold my heart,

heal it

be the keeper of it.

Only you are worthy

only you can help.

And you are able,

my Almighty God,

to do more than I can ask

or imagine.

Amen.

Will you dive in?

Will you dive in?

Fully identify yourself with Christ,

be “All in!”

in the game.

Fear makes me want to put my toe in

(not dive).

Fear can go in a little

and still change it's mind.

But when I dive, I'm all in!

There's no mid-air game changers.

It's done.

I dealt with fear at the shore,

and I won!

Nothing holds me back now.

God asked me if I’d dive in.

I thought I’d been swimming for so many years

I couldn't possibly be held back by fear,

Yet there it was.

What if I fail?

Could my pride handle the shame?

Maybe not,

but my true self is tenacious,

and hates being motivated by fear.

My true self dives in!

Fear be damned!

I'm all in.

2 areas of bondage I can see clearly in my life.

Both are generational sins

I have been steeped in

since my earliest memories.

Both color my personality

making me attractive to the world.

Both have such a strong hold on me,

only by the power of God

will I ever hope to be set free.

Worse,

no one roots for me to be set free,

except my Savior.

I long for that covering of kindness

Noah's son had,

who walked in backward and covered his father's shame.

I long for the covering of protection

of the lambs blood over the door post

when the angel of death passed by.

The covering God first made tenderly in the garden

to hide Adam and Eve's nakedness.

Oh God, I want to be all in.

No shadow of turning with thee.

You said you would never leave me

or forsake me,

How could I love you with half my heart

and turn to adore sin as well?

Fear comforts me with a different covering.

It says:

“Hide here, 

if you are seen for who you really are, 

they will reject you”.

There it is!

The weapon

that has been used to harm me for years.

Rejection.

When my dad left my family at 10,

I was rejected,

I followed and lived with him for years.

I tried to live with my Mom at 14

but when I felt my fathers pain and wanted to return to him,

my mother left the house and pushed me away (rejection again).

At 16 my dad kicked me out of the house for good.

This weapon

“rejection”

has been sharpened through years of suffering

and used against me at every thought of gaining help for my escape.

The bondage held over my head maybe from a defeated foe

but at the thought of being exposed

and turned away,

I willingly give my freedom back.

Even as I'm invited by the Lord to go all in,

I wonder if the bravery that has served me so well in life,

will fail me now.

Will I take myself out

of all my resolve

and rationalize my sin

and bondage

bow my head and silently

go back to my cell?

And I don't even know the way out.

Only a dim light off in the distance

that bids me to “confess my sin”

that I may be set free.

I confess often enough

but this continues to say “one to another”

so the truth is that:

God never means for us to go at this

“faith thing”

alone.

With mentors who are long sense dead,

being insufficient,

to the disappointment of my pride,

and fear of my flesh.

Oh God help me.

Is there no other way?..

Yes,

of coarse there is another way.

The scars from

years of bondage

have left their mark on my soul.

Yes, I can go at it alone.

Letting few in (to see the core of my pain).

Telling few of my fears,

and not often.

Years pass as my flesh wars against my spirit

both growing,

both using their tools well.

I walk with a limp (my pastor said)

as one marked by pain.

It was the abuse of my past,

the abuse of my present,

the grief for my sin

and the failings of my present.

The sorrow I cause the Lord

the sorrow I see in others

it's all I have been forgiven for

and for all I still do (that needs forgiveness)

it's for all that still wounds me

and all that grieves the heart of God.

I don't wonder why I cry,

I wonder why others don't.

There are tears in His presence.

They repent.

They are right and good for the soul.

One day (I know)

He will wipe away my last tears.

He has seen all the others

and sat near me in my times of sadness.

Just one more reason, I love Him so.

So when I hear:

“Will you dive in?”

How can I say

“No”?

Freedom

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free". But many of us live in bondage, just praying and wishing to be set free. But the truth is, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

What creative ways can we change our bondage behavior? Let's make a plan. Take a minute and identify the longing in your heart. The ones we meet with counterfeits (or sin). Ask God to show you, what it looks like when this longing, is met by the Holy Spirit (instead). [and try changing your behavior]

It may be harder than it sounds but Phil 2:13 says "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him". So let's pray for the "desire", and "the power" of God to help us.

Feel free to post your thoughts about this here, even if it's not specific to the sin, it will be an encouragement to others. We have a common love and a common struggle.

The sky is the limit

I read an "encouraging" sign in the street yesterday,
it said: "The sky is the limit!". 
I thought, how quaint...
then I smiled deeply 
to know without a doubt 
"The sky is NOT the limit!" 
And I prayed with the faith of a little girl, 
to my All Mighty Father, 
for impossible things, 
that would take all the resources of heaven 
and the power of my All Mighty God to accomplish. 
And I snickered at the thought 
that "the sky is the limit"...
No...
it most certainly is not.

Please also share a praise

A friend challenged me

(well, she challenged many)

to "Please also share a praise"

and I focused my attention on my life.

What could I praise God for?

What has He done,

worthy of praise?

I felt uncomfortable to not have an answer.

Yes, I have health,

a home,

a family,

a loving husband.

Yes, I have work that I love,

enough food to eat,

a heater when I'm cold,

ac, when I'm hot,

but what could I praise God for?

What great things has He done for me lately?

What miracles of His mercy am I not noticing

and thanking Him publicly for?

David once said:

"Praise the Lord, my soul,

and forget not all his benefits"

Have I...

forgotten all His benefits?

Have I taken His persevering love

for granted

or His wealth of grace

and His steadfast commitment 
to my good?

Have I become unimpressed

that He would save 
a wretch like me?

Oh, God when you return,

will there be any who seek God?

Any with faith?

Any who give you praise?

Please Lord,

keep me ever focused on You.

Your mercy and grace,

Your undeserved kindness

lavished on me

makes my life uncommonly 

full of peace.

As Your child,

I lack no good thing.

Were I to "forget not your benefits",

I should never be silent (to recount them all),

and when I awake,

You are still with me

(mercy's new and fresh 

and awaiting my notice).

Father forgive me,

for not living the life You have given me

with a song of gratitude

ever on my tongue.

Praise you my Lord,

my Father,

Councilor

and King.