What good is silence, if you cant hear the Lord

Rest for the ears is good,
a break from sound.
Making peace with self is good,
but one can be too introspective.

I heard the words:
What good is silence
if you cant hear the Lord?
Be still and know that I am God.

I am compelled to retrete
to quiet places,
but is it the quiet of my youth,
playing alone till
single parent father
returns home?

Is it the quiet of my
early motherhood,
longing for stillness
a break
from busy bodies?

Is it the quiet
from my "mountain top"
moments,
where I hear His voice
know His nearness
experience His glory?

Or is it the awkward,
hopeful,
"Will I hear Him?"
quiet
from my most everyday
mornings?

Have I become content
with busying my daydreaming mind
on trailing off,
nonsense prayers,
sometimes not remembering the beginning
at the end?

Is it the not-enough-sleep morning
quiet
where my coffee
is my dearest companion
rather than the glory of the Lord.

Worthless...
A beating against the wind,
worse,
a religious task.

God protect me from going through the motions.
Protect me from auto-pilot quiet time,
that is ritual and routine.
I want to meet with You
and hear Your voice.
More than want,
I crave,
hunger
and rely
on Your voice,
to speak into the darkness
and create the Light.

Take my tumultuous life
and bring purpose and order
to my chaos.

God I come to the silence,
not to excape the sound,
but to meet with You.

Please remove
my separating sin,
my debilitating distractions,
and focus my eyes on you.

You have not run out of things to say.
I have not grown beyond Your teachings.
Speak Lord,
for Your servant is listening.


Faithful One
True and Honorable
comes to meet with you.
I do not come as a visiting king
who leaves his castle to visit other lands.
I come as a King
who is your companion and guide.
In the noise,
and in the silence
I speak.
I am near.
You must choose distractions
or My voice to lead you.

The more you are still in the silence
the more you will hear.
The more you turn your thoughts to Me
in the chaos of your day,
the more equipped you will be
(both for yourself,
and for those who need your input).

Let my words be scattered like seeds
and fall where they may,
I will bring the growth,
I will produce the fruit,
and we will rejoice in the harvest.

Be still and know that I am God.
Draw near to me
and I draw near to you.

Is anything too hard for me?

I read it in Jeremiah:
"Is anything too hard for me?"
So I thought of all the things I wish...
Wishes
are after all,
just unspoken prayers.
And He hears the sighing of our heart...
So what makes my heart sigh?
My sin,
My family,
Addictions,
that hold captive
those I love.
And I hear the words again,
"Is anything too hard for me?"
The words wet my eyes,
I hear love in those words.
I feel Him asking with a hurt tone.
My faith is so small.
His words tenderly assuring me,
He knows.
He's working.
He knows...
Tears
He knows...
He's working.
He knows...
He cares.
So many tears...
Surely,
the name "Almighty"
was created to
explain what our faith
sees so dimly.
Surely it's why we only hope
and at times fail
even at that.
At my core,
I know the answer,
No...
Nothing is too hard for you, Lord.
In that truth
is rest.
God asked,
so I would have to answer
and remember,
so I would internalize the answer...
All the stuff I cant do,
He can.
Faith grows in the light of this truth.
Often I walk in the shadows.
I need to remain in the light
and peace
of this truth.
Nothing is too hard for Almighty.
Nothing.
Help me Father to remember
so I will enjoy your love more
Enjoy your favor
Enjoy your sanctifying
faithfulness,
for myself
and my family.
God stretch my mind
to hold this truth.
It's true
weather I enjoy it or not.
This truth is not changed by my faith in it
or lack of faith.
But when I feel this truth
I
am changed.
I want faith big enough
to know this truth.
Wrap me up in it,
Lord,
Almighty
Nothing is too hard for you.

Know Your Place

Sounds like something
a parent or a teacher
would say to me as a child.
Yet,
I hear the words,
now.
Not to tell me
my pride needs to be quelled,
Not to say
I need to be brought low
but in regards
to where I should be.
To be found
sitting beside the Lord.
Soaking in His love
and all He has to say.
Also,
I need to put others in their place...
Not with mean words,
but in my mind
not letting them
(and their words)
take any place before the Lord's words.
Listen, yes
Love, yes
but not applying their values
to my heart.
I still hear my dad's harsh words,
My teachers insults,
I still long to find their approval and praise.
I know I had self-worth
at some point
when I was a child
but they all chipped away at my identity
until I doubted myself
and became insecure
with fear of rejection.

I still long for fellowship.
But God,
protect me
from those who tend to block my view
of you
they distort my feelings about myself
and the world and You.
Help me to put them in their place
by staying in my place
(close to you)
so close,
that it's your whispers I hear
above the sounds of human voices
and help me to value your thoughts
above all.
Perhaps this is desert fruit.
One of the reasons I'm here
have you allowed this season
for me to learn my place,
protected and loved
at your side.

c Kim Damon 2013

Alone?

When I think about church
and close friendships
or the lack there of,
I see the isolated
place God has brought me.
A sort of desert,
all alone.
God has brought me?
Yes...
I asked myself that as well.
Am I sure,
this place,
(that seems so dangerous)
is a place God would want me?
Then I remembered:
Psalms 66:11-12
 You brought us into prison
    and laid burdens on our backs.
 You let people ride over our heads;
    we went through fire and water,
    but you brought us to a spacious place.
And I remembered the first time I read that...
I re-read it over and over.
Really?
Did that just say that?
God, have your brought me
to prison with heavy burdens
so that I would love this spacious place?
I never thought of a desert as a spacious place,
until now.
I do hope and long for fellowship,
yet this new desert home
is so strange
I also walk around exploring the terrain
with a childlike curiosity
for all I am meant to learn here.
Who was here before me
and what did Abba desire to show them?
I'm not afraid
just surprised
and hopeful for what God will do here.
God, keep me close
and teach me
all you desire me to learn here.

c Kim Damon 2013

Turn Around

I heard an illustration once
about a cat
having its fur pet
in the wrong direction.
As painful,
uncomfortable and wrong
it felt for the cat,
it hurt the human as well.

In the illustration
the human is God
and we
are the cat.

So what's wrong with this picture?
God is never wrong.
So we,
(as the cat)
need to turn around.

I thought of this
when I was joyfully
washing up breakfast dishes,
I couldn't have been enjoying myself more.
How strange a feeling
of peace and joy.
Strange…
Because at one time,
I hated washing dishes and cleaning.

I thought about the cat,
and realized
I turned around.

It was always right
for me to be helpful
and to serve others
but it only felt right
when I turned around.

I realized my life
is the story of me
at many stages of
turn around.
And my litmus test
(of peace and joy)
is God's grace to me.
When I feel wrong and unsettled
I'm pointed in a direction
that's not God's best for me.

Turn my eyes away from worthless things

Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
preserve my life according to your Word.

Even as I pray this
and love these words
I feel distracted;
my eyes and my mind
continually look away
to worthless things.
I pray thee Lord to save me
from the retch that I am.
We are (indeed)
blind pitiful and poor.
Even my best attempts at holiness
and sincerity are interrupted
with thoughts that are impure
or unfocused.

Is there any hope for me?
Have we all like sheep gone astray?
When the Lord returns,
will there be any who are faithful,
any who understand,
any who seek God?

Surely,
lest you save us from ourselves Lord,
we don't stand a chance.
I fear
I am as capable of forfeiting my prized position
as a gullible child.
Father, keep me by your strength.
I fear
I am not strong enough to stand the test
to be found ready and waiting
at the Lords return.
In fact,
when I consider all my faults,
all I do is fear...

But, then I am heartened
by the remembrance of His words...
"He is able"
and I remember,
it's not about me,
He is able.
It's about Him.
He is the Author
and Finisher
of my faith.
Some of my chapters are sad
some make me ashamed
some put me on top of the mountain
in the presence of the Lord.

But my story is about the faithfulness
and constant loving kindness
of my never changing
passionately loving
all powerful
mighty
King Jesus.
He is not just any author
in human terms,
they'll be no unresolved plots,
no abandoned work,
no writers block.

He is the Author,
and the Finisher
of my faith.

In all my distractions
He pours out more grace,
lavishes it on me.
Around every corner
awaits new signs of His love,
more reminders
of His faithfulness and care.

Two constants I see clearly in my story:
I am never as holy as I wish I was
and His love for me is not changed by my weaknesses.

The story of my life and faith
is all about
His strength
that covers my weaknesses.
It's all about my continually being surprised
by His kindness to me.
I'm continually amazed
that He says my name.
that He doesn't give up on me
that He does not abandon me
for another more holy more righteous vessel.
That He grabs my attention
and shows me His glory
in my lowest hours.

How could God be so kind?
How could I look away from such beauty?
How could I resist such love?

Maranatha!

Come Lord Jesus
on your white horse
and rescue your bride.
Come Lord Jesus
finish my story of faith
with everlasting love
exchanged in glory.

Come!

c Kim Damon 2013

A Thought

 

There came a thought,

to the peripheral of my thinking

of supreme importance,

yet, enough out of reach,

were I to continue on

with random self-important thoughts,

I would have missed it.

I felt it’s weight and value

it beckoned me to focus,

and abandon trivial pursuits.

My mind reached out

and grabbed the thought
with complete concentration,

and I opened my ears

in stillness,

to listen.

Even this exercise

in disciplined

surrender

and anticipated discovery,

was an analogy of my

message, itself.

God’s ways are not my ways

His thoughts are not my thoughts.

If I am to walk in the freedom

and victory

of a child of God

I must let go of self.

All believers,

must quit playing church,

quit busing themselves

with self-important,

self-serving matters,

and surrender,

reach out,

and hold on for dear life,

to the Savior of their souls.

Yet even as I write the words,

I know,

the bond of salvation 

is not secured by my grip,

but in my longing for connection,

my Savior reaches out past my grasping hand,

for my entire self,

and the arm

that is not too short to save

lifts me into His presence.

I am on the water with my Lord,

storms raging around.

I sit by the fire with  my Lord,

tears stream

and heart warmed

by my Lords request

for loves surrender.

He is the vine,

I am the branch.

He valued me enough

to graft me in.

How could I not desire

loves abiding surrender?

His ways are not my ways,

His thoughts are not my thoughts.

I was made of earthly things,

which swirl still around my mind.

He has no beginning

and Heaven holds His throne.

I want nothing more,

than what He wants,

for my every moment and thought.

The freedom,

victory,

and rest

I long for,

are found only in Him. 

Seeing all other things,

in light of His love.

With His love flowing

in my veins,

I surrender,

focus

and abide in Him.

So this day

I commit to

be still and listen,

even in the noise of my busy day.

He is the pearl of great price,

my Perfect Thought,

the Oil to light my way,

I would be ill equipped and foolish with out.

Oh, Lord

Wrap me up and keep me hidden in You.

Your ways are not my ways,

Your thoughts are not my thoughts.