It was a good year!

Feeling incredibly blessed. 
Looking to finish out the year well. 
I imagined having a day 
when I applied all the wisdom gained, 
by all the mistakes I've made
(all year!).
Could you imagine getting it right once?
One day with no mistakes,
no foolishness,
no insensitivity,
no waist,
no ingratitude.
So maybe I'll wake tomorrow,
and I'll try.
Try to be kind (at all times).
Grateful (for all things).
Purposeful (in all my effort).
Prayerful and obedient.
Abiding and generous.
Brave and bold.
Humble and meek
(NTS figure out what meek even means)
Patient and long suffering.
I think after an entire year
of working on these things,
I'd be farther ahead?
Maybe?
But I still have so far to go,
and some days it feels like such a battle
just to stand my ground.
Maybe it's not about how far I traveled
but who was in the car with me,
and what we talked about.
God, we have had so many great conversations!
I have shared with you the deepest hardest things,
and you have helped me trough each one.
I trust you more than I did last year.
You have shown me you are trustworthy.
I am less fearful this year,
as you have helped me be brave.
I have learned to trust you more
more than I mistrust myself.
I love myself more now.
It might sound strange,
but the more I love God,
the more I experience His love for me,
the more I realize I must have worth.
And I am who God made me.
And he likes the way He made me.
I'm better at believing that than I was last year.
Sometimes I just hope things (like that) are true.
But the more times God tells me,
while we travel,
the more I know it's true.
He whispers to me
in His Word and by His Spirit.
Some days I've been so busy,
I missed His whispers.
God I'm learning,
there is no more important thing
than listening to you,
and walking in obedience.
I'm learning fear is a lie.
Fear says you wont always be there.
It says you wont always provide.
It says you don't really love me.
It says you will only love me if I lose weight,
or get something right.
Or avoid something wrong.
But you told me you wont ever leave me.
You said you would give me everything I need
for life and godliness.
You said there was no greater love
than to lay down your life for a friend,
and then you laid yours down.
You said your power is made perfect in my weakness,
and that you (intentionally) put your all surpassing power
into this clay pot,
to show that the glory was from you
and not me.
It's been a great year, God.
Thank you!

This is not a political post

This is not a political post

Last night I watched a documentary about some Native Americans. I don't remember what their clan name was but one had asked if mining could make fish sick. "It could!" said the scientist (come to test the land). He also tested the water and people of this town. They had been “relocated” from their land 7 times and refused to leave the last time it was "requested". So the land owners mined copper and gold right on the border of their land. In the process of the half hour show I was in tears to see the damage greed had reeked on this land and these beautiful people, 4 of the main characters in the documentary were dead by the end of the show, I grieved. I repented for the way WE have harmed the earth, and cared so little for those beautiful people whom God created.

This morning I read an article written by Steve Locke called "I fit the description". More tears. I just wanted to find this man and tell him "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry."

I didn't mine for gold next to a native population and poison them, I didn't racially profile and strike fear into this beautiful black man, and I wasn't sorry because I am white. I'm sorry because both of those injuries were done by humans, and I am a human. I associate with the greed and carelessness of the polluters, so I repent. I associate with the Natives, so I grieve. I associate with the officers (there to protect, but clouded in their vision of what is fair and dignified) so I repent. I associate with Steve, so I grieve.

Sometimes I wonder when I cry during worship or when scripture is read, if I look more guilty than others, but I don't care. It's right to grieve what is wrong. It's right to cry because God is so beautiful and holy, and yet He allowed himself to be born to the poor and week. He allowed himself to be broken for us. ~more tears.

I was at a woman’s event once when a man took the stage. To be honest, I'm sorry to say I was a bit annoyed at first. But then this humble man, began to pray for us. He began to apologize for all of the harmful, hurtful, callous things the fathers and brothers and boyfriends and school-mates, and male friends had done. It was one of the most powerful, healing, beautiful things one human has done in a 10 minute prayer time. He didn't say all men are horrible. He just said “I'm sorry. I'm so so very sorry.” There was not a women in the place who was not weeping. Grieving. Forgiving. Healing. Being set free.

There is no us and them. Only us. And God.

There is none righteous, no not one, all have sinned and fallen short.

Just some thoughts. Some that move me to pray. Some that explain my tears. Some that say "I'm sorry", because sometimes that makes it easier (for us humans) to forgive. I have apologized for Christians before. I hope (if I've caused injury in my foolishness) others have done the same for me. Because it's part of loving justice and walking humbly with our God, to desire healing and health and forgiveness for others (even as we long for it for ourselves).

So why did I say: This is not a political post?

Because it's too easy to isolate folks in our mind and disagree with and hate and judge and stand pridefully against them. But we are warned about this. So many warnings. If we are judged in the same measure that we use to judge others, if we are forgiven the way we forgive (in the same way and with the same contingencies) None of us will stand, in the day of judgment. If we are told to judge not, lest we be judged, if judgment begins with the house of God...Wow. Let us rend our hearts and spend some time in prayer.

May He bless you richly dear friend. Thank God that He has been gracious to us. God help us. God forgive us and heal our land.

...must focus on pretty things...

...must focus on pretty things... 
It's like the ticking of my internal clock. 
Too much loud, 
I tune it out or turn it off. 
Too much hateful, 
I tune it out or turn it off. 
Too many foolish lies 
being given credence as truth, 

same. 

But when I walk away, 
if it lingers 
(the negative, the hateful, the ugly) 
or if it's touching those I love,

I pray. 

I just read that 
"optimism can be the undoing of some" 
There must be a survival manual for hard stuff, 
we just can't live in denial 
(because it's not going away). 

I'm refreshed and renewed by the Lord, 
by reading the Bible, 
by talking and listening to him. 
But for sure, 

limiting my exposure to ugliness 
(in it's varied forms) 
is survival 101.

I eat hot dogs sometimes.

I eat hot dogs sometimes.
I splurge on Diet Coke once in a while.
On occasion
I eat frosting out of the container with a spoon.

When I eat too many sweets,
I restrain myself
by not eating real food.

These are not the worst of my faults.

Sometimes I get mad.
When I do,
sometimes I swear.
When I don't
I swear in my mind.

Injustice
makes me mad.
Lack of kindness
will most of the time make me mad.

Usually I end mad,
by being very very sad.
I'm sad because I remember my faults,
and the One who suffered injustice,
for my sins,
to forgive me and set me free.

I repent for judging others,
I forgive them too.

I can forgive those who hurt me,
and those who are callous to others.
Sometimes when I see cold hearted folks,
I just wish they could come to that place,
of repentance
and forgiveness.

The end of the anger, then sadness, then prayer
is me praying a blessing on those who hurt others.
Because it's God's kindness that leads to repentance.
Not judgment.
That happens soon enough.
But it starts with those who know Him.

We have no place to judge.
(as forgiven ones)
we owe that same grace we have received,
to others.

In the end weather it's my dietary sins,
or the sins of a bad attitude,
I can see the weaknesses I have are a gift to me.

Just think about that for a minute.
It's a cure for self-loathing.

I'm not saying it's good that I do
what I wish I did not do.

I'm saying, it's a gift to me that I'm so prone to it.
So that I will stay humble,
because when I view others
with that humility,
I am more kind in my view of them.
I love more.
I am more long suffering.
More forgiving
and graceful toward them.

God bless you richly
as you ponder your own shortcomings,
and allow the Lord to adjust,
and heal,
and grow you in your love
for God
then for self
and others.

Do you keep a list?

I started a list this week.
It's a list of promises.

If your dad said he'd take you to dinner.
And made plans to meet you on Friday,
but instead you made plans Friday
to do other things,
he would no longer be obligated
to take you to dinner.

We have a part to play in our Father's promises.
We don't "earn them"
we just "take him up on his offer".
I have a bad memory,
so I started writing his promises down
(because I don't want to miss out on all his cool offers!).
This was yesterday's promise:

"Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires."

There are ton's of desires in my heart.
As I thought about this offer,
I started thanking God
(when desires came to mind).
I thanked him for all the sweet gifts
he's given me in the past
and I talked with him about the things
I was longing for now.

I delighted in the fact
that he likes to give me good gifts,
and I know for sure,
that if it's best for me,
he will give me these gifts too. :)

What are some of the desires of your heart?
For that matter,
what are some of the promises you hold on to
(maybe I could add them to my list)?

Submit

I really hate that word.
I don't even like the word hate.
But the word "submit" brings out the worst in me.
maybe that's the point, though.

God asked me to do this.
Well not just me
all of us
(who follow Him).

Submission starts when
we are captured by His love.
And we simply must have more of it.
We crave it
long to dive in,
wish to be consumed by it.

In the process,
we submit
to God's invitation
for relationship.

We surrender our life to God.
We ask that His life would fill us
and we would be transformed by it.
We ask that His Word would change us
and His will would be our guide.

Wait.
I think that all gives me too much credit.
Honestly, God in His kindness
offers me freedom from the
things that have me enslaved.

In foolishness,
I (for a time) rebeled from His offer.
Thinking somehow the captors
offer me joy (more rewarding)
than the freedom,
peace and joy
the Lord offered.

Perhaps that is the cruelest thing
about our flesh.
It fears and despises the freedom
we are given as a reward,
as our inheritance!

The lie is that our freedom
is more restrictive than captivity.
The lie is that His joy
is somehow less than
the futile (temporary) counterfeit high,
offered by our enemy.

The lie is that we will have less
if we submit our will
to Him.

Perhaps you have no problem with all that.
Perhaps the problem only arises when we are told to
submit to a human.

God is your authority.
Not humans.
Maybe your flesh feels "safe" in this thought.
And "unsafe" about submitting to a human
(even one in authority over you).

They might hurt you.
They might lead you wrongly.
They might take away your freedom.
But you gave your freedom to God.
And He gave you freedom from your captor
(sin, Satin, and death.)

If you obey the Lord and submit to:
your parents,
your spouse,
your boss,
and all Christians,
you are submitting to God's command.

If you do not submit to:
your parents,
your spouse,
your boss,
and all Christians,
you are not submitting to God's commands
or God.

It is not possible to obey God,
without obeying God.

Maybe you have no problem with all this,
unless there is abuse.
Let's face it,
humans abuse power,
and those under them.

Two things give me consolation as I meditate on this.
1-God is all powerful (not impotent).
2-I am God's.

He will not let me suffer apart from
His will,
protection
and provision.

The working out of the details
when it comes to abuse
of all kinds,
is a matter of the Holy Spirit's guidance

and the guidance of those
whom God puts in your life to help you.
He did not leave us as orphans.
He guides,
protects,
advises
and consoles.
He rescues,
redeems,
and uses all things for our good.

We can trust Him.

God bless you as you take your will to obey,
and surrender to His will,
His love motivated,
perfect will,
for you and your life,
salvation,
sanctification,
and eternal joy.

What if I told you "I have an agenda"?

It makes me feel uncomfortable
when I realize someone is trying to say something
other than what they are saying.

Politicians don't ever answer questions anymore,
they just wait for a chance to speak.
Wait for a chance to promote their agenda,
looking for a segue,
into what they want to talk about.

So is it wrong to have a thing that motivates you?
A thing that colors all that you say,
all that you do?
A passion so strong,
that even as you focus on one thing,
it only has meaning if it's flavored by your main thing?

I realized I have an agenda.
I'm not always true to it (sadly).
Sometimes I get distracted,
I swerve off the path and head in a less than productive direction.
But when it comes to the heart and soul of my identity,
my passion
when distilled into purity
my passion is a reaction
to a rescuing love of God for me.
And the reaction
is to love God back
and love those whom He created.

My heart longs for this love to permeate all that I do.
I wish and hope and pray that my words would be flavored by this love.
I wish and hope and pray that my actions would display this love.
I wish and hope and pray that my prayers would be filled with the will of this love.
My agenda, is to testify about this love.

To the extent that I am transparent in this,
it is to His glory.
to the extent that I hide this,
or fail in anyway to hold this out,
that would be to my shame.
yet another sin that nailed my Lord to the cross.
One more bit that He suffered to redeem me.

Oh God let me hold fast to the Word of life.
Let me live well.
Let me love well.
Let me pray well.
For your glory,
and my purest longest lasting joy,
Amen