Did you ever wish?

 Did you ever sit there

and just wish.

Wish there was a plain

simple text

Something that could give

guidance when perplexed,

encouragement,

when down cast,

inspiration,

when stagnating

strength,

when worn out,

the key,

to open untold mysteries,

and the goal,

for every best life lived

A guide 

for our wandering lives.

A caution

for imminent danger.

Did you ever wish 

for the perfect prayer?

I found it.

Psalm 19

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.

The skies display his craftmanship.

Day after day they continue to speak;

night after night they make him known.

They speak without a sound or word;

their voice is never heard.

Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,

and their words to all the world.

God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.

It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.

It rejoices like a great athlete

eager to run the race.

The sun rises at one end of the heavens

and follows it's course to the other end.

Nothing can hide from it's heat.

The instructions of the LORD are perfect, 

reviving the soul.

The decrees of the LORD are trustworthy,

making wise the simple.

The commandments of the LORD are right,

bringing joy to the heart.

The commands of the LORD are clear,

giving insight for living.

Reverence for the LORD is pure,

lasting forever.

The laws of the LORD are true;

each one is fair.

They are more desirable than gold,

even the finest god.

They are sweeter than honey,

even honey dripping from the comb.

They are a warning to your servant,

a great reward for those who obey them.

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?

Cleanse me from these hidden faults.

Keep your servant from deliberate sins!

Don't let them control me.

Then I will be free of guilt 

and innocent of great sin.

May the words of my mouth 

and the meditations of my heart

be pleasing to you,

O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

A dark thought

Could I share a dark thought

that really helped me?

Like usually,

I can't say dark things 

without making those I love sad,

but I feel like you guys will get it.

OK, here goes:

I was reading survival rates and side effects of the surgery(s)

that lie in front of me,

and I thought

(as I wrestle to get up off my recliner

because my back hurts)

what if this is the best I will feel this year?

Even though this season is making me weak,

what if this is the most strong I will be

for the foreseeable future?

Well,

it helped me want to get up.

And put my house in order,

and write letters

and say what should be said...

and I thought you guys would get it,

and maybe that would help someone else

as well.

Also, taking baby steps,

and being kind to myself

when I need to rest.

Seize the day,

and God grant you peace,

my dear friends! 

xoxo

If Left To Myself

If left to myself
I'd sit in the quiet for a bit.

I love quiet.

I'd check my messages,
and be captivated by some video's charm,
Then, (suddenly)

I'd look up
and find far too many minutes had passed.

If left to myself,

I would allow cravings
to guide me
Food, shopping, alcohol, entertainment, art...

As I made the list
there was both conviction
and also freedom,
with the knowledge that none of these items are sin
(in and of themselves).

But if left to myself,

I have very little restraint
when it comes to feeding my cravings.

In fact, 

my only restraint comes from a surprising place.
It's not out of a fear
of reprisal or punishment.
My greatest self control
comes from the freedom given me
to choose.

And I already choose... 

God's love.

The love of God 

(so) compels me,
by His generous gifts
of grace,
and mercy,
and forgiveness,
that the thought of grieving
the heart of this
All loving, and sacrificing,
All patient, all cleansing,
All compassionate, all powerful,
Almighty, God,

melts me.

Left to myself,
I know I would ruin it all!

But I have surrendered
my everything
to that All loving God,
and in turn,
his benefits wrap around me,
and give me greater pleasures
than my flesh can dream of.

My sight is filled
with wonder and awe,
as I sit (eyes closed)
tears welling up behind my lids,
in the presence of God.

He actually doesn't leave me
to myself.
He promised me,
he would never leave me
or forsake me.

Yes,

he makes that promise to everyone,
but He made that promise to me.

To me!

I have been set free from fear,
because he said he'd help me.
he'd never leave me.

Jesus said he wouldn't lose any
who had been given to him.
He won't lose me.

I will be made perfect.
God said he would finish what he started in me.
When I don't know
if I have what it will take 

to get to the end,

I remember:
I'm His.

If I lose everything,
this earth dangles in front of me 

(as a treasure),
I have lost nothing,

because God said,

I have stored up my treasure 

in Heaven.

If left to myself,

my only hope is a brief guilty pleasure,
and the consequences of sin (death).

But thanks and praise be to God,
who delivers me 

(through Jesus Christ our Lord).
So then, I myself in my mind
am a slave to God's law,
but in my sinful nature
a slave to the law of sin.

Maybe that's why Christ
by his sacrifice condemns sin.
(I don't get how he can isolate sin),
that is in me,
and pass judgment 

(condemnation),
on the sin,

but not on me, somehow,
he condemns the sin,
and sanctifies me.

Like a surgeon who goes inside,
and finds death,
and cuts it out,
and goes down deeper,
and find wounds,
and corruption,
and generational weakness,
and harbored bitterness
and unhealed deep injuries,
and does his unknowable searching,
and then brings healing and forgiveness,
and regenerates new life,
and gives new abilities and strengths,
and wisdom and power.

All, by this Almighty God.

So when fear whispers:
"I could ruin it all!"

God's promise (to me) reminds me,
"I will never leave you or forsake you"
"I will help you"
"I will finish what I started in you."

And I find peace,
and more,
I'm carried to a place,

where I am sitting at the side of God,
sometimes I'm on the floor at his feet
sometimes I'm sitting on the fathers lap
(with my head on his chest)

And somehow I'm still here,
and I feel the tears streaming down
and feel his loving presence
(filling and showering over me)

in light
and wrapped all around me.

If left to myself,

God is with me.

Shalom.

c. Kim Damon 2/24/22

I like to shop on my phone

 I like to shop on my phone

I like to have a glass of bourbon 

at night to relax.

I love to drink diet energy drinks.

And I’d like to spend all day

Everyday

Making art.

These are things I crave,

Things that take my time,

And things that are mostly 

Not healthy for me

And have nothing to do with heaven.

Ok, well the art thing is almost exclusively 

For charity right now,

To help the homeless, indigenous,

And those in Ghana

But I don’t have good balance.

So even my best, can be broken.

If I had my way,

These things would (selfishly)

be all that I am.

[that’s messed up]

Those things are not sin,

They are not my enemies,

They are not the devil.

But if I let them,

They would consume me.

I also love (and long for)

quiet

I love to listen to God

And write what I hear.

I love to sit with friends 

And give them comfort and guidance.

I love to teach,

I love to worship in song,

I love to cry prayers for those who are hurting.

I also love to have tears overtake me in the presence of the Lord. 

It’s cleansing.

It’s humbling.

And if you see it,

Know, God is near me

and I feel him.

I love to talk about God.

And how he helps me.

He helps me so much.

I would not be alive if he did not.

Also, 

God is my favorite.

This invisible 

(all sustaining)

(All powerful)

(All knowing)

One,

is my air 

and my heartbeat 

and my joy 

and my tears 

and my peace 

and the best parts of me.

And for him,

I wish to do better.

I don’t deserve this life,

my family and friends.

And I could (as easily)

Been born on the streets,

Or in a war torn place,

Or to a drug addict.

But he put me here,

And lavished his goodness on me,

And I don’t want to take for granted 

the gifts he’s given 

or be ruled by my passions.

I want to serve him.

And live worthy of my calling.

I am a child of the living God.

I do not need 50 watches, 

or 30 pairs of (really cool) shoes.

God, forgive me.

Help me give more.

Serve more.

Love more.

Obey faster,

All the days you lend me breath.

Amen

My ten years ago photo would be so beautiful, 
so thin, no glasses, no grey hair, or scars. 

I thought about all the improvements 
I can see in my friends contrasting photos, 
and tbh, 
I was sad that my improvements would not be visible. 
Don’t get me wrong, 
I’m glad for my friends who look better today. 
But I went on a mental quest to “see” 
the improvements in myself. 

I was surprised at how much had changed 
over the last decade. 
If I could, I would have words of wisdom 
(to help my past self).

Dear (ten years ago)me,
Soak up every moment you get to spend with your children. 
In ten years you will have an empty nest. 
Also, 
one day, you will have time to paint. 
You will have less laundry to do, 
and you will travel. 
Your kids will be great humans! 
They will all take different directions for their future, 
but they will remain kind, 
and loving 
and will each make you proud.

Brace yourself...
you will get cancer, 
but God will help you, 
and you will not die.

You will run into a deer with your motorcycle, 
but God will help you 
and you will not die. 
One of your kids will go to rehab 
(and do the things that lead him there) 
but God will help you 
(and him), 
and he will be better for having gone. 
Two of your kids will move to Colorado, 
but God will help you 
(and them) 
and they will be better for having gone. 
You will change churches. 
At one point, you thought that was wrong, 
but God will lead you 
and help you, 
and you will be so glad!

Be kind to yourself. 
You will gain some weight, 
need glasses, 
and get some grey hair, 
but God will heal you from self loathing 
and teach you grace, 
for self and others. 

You will make new friends. 
Tim will still love you 
and you will still love life. 

You will count yourself rich, 
because of your friendships and family. 

And every hard thing, 
will be a learning experience 
and the doorway to incredible blessings.

Stay close to ABBA, 
he will always keep you in his care 
and deliver you from every fear.

Much love,
Future you

Longing

I want to sit still
and listen;
teach me what is true.
Remove from me
all that stands against
the wisdom of God.
Take away every hindrance
every disabling foe
every corrupting passion.
Father, purify my heart
strengthen my spirit
within me.

Many things tempt and distract
keep me Lord,
Keep me.
Father hold me fast,
and teach me.

She asked: "What does it look like?"
(this thing you long for).
It's the knife being taken out of the sheath,
the instrument from it's case
the book from off the shelf.
I long to be used,
for the purpose I was made.

I (like Paul) want to lay hold of that,
for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.
I crave this.
The stifled longing makes my heart ache.
"I teeter between ambivalence and trusting God's timing."
The former seems less painful (to be honest)
but the later, is called faith.
Does faith hurt?
When hope flickers
at the winds of time,
yes.
But when I lean in,
and hear the voice of my beloved,
I can wait.
I'm refreshed.
So I lean.
Come Lord.
Refresh my soul
speak to me.

Fear not for I am with you
where ever you go.
I will guide you
and help you with my righteous right hand.

Put your fears to rest in the sea of my provision.

I longed to sit in your presence.
Thank you for steeling me away
to a quiet place
to be alone with you.

Don't be frightened in any way by those who oppose you.
This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed,
but that you will be saved
and that by God.
For it has been granted to you on be half of Christ
not only to believe on him,
but also to suffer for him.

Art, teaching, writing, praying, helping, crying, and worshiping
are the salve to heal
both you, and others.

How could He be so kind

Oh Lord,
You have assigned me
my portion.
tears...
if I could have picked the life
you have given me,
hope and faith
would have made me dream
smaller.

It is too lavish, too precious,
too wonderful for me,
to have dreamed this life;
and yet,
as a matter of course,
You declared my life,
would be mine.

All the love
in my marriage,
my children,
my friendships,
all the miracles
of your grace
and the abundance
of your mercy,
all your patience
with which you have displayed your divine guidance
all your steadfast love
and rescuing power
exerted on my behalf.

Father, how could you be so kind?
I never have had a need,
that your provision has ignored.
I never have had a longing,
that your love has not quenched
and when I fail you,
still, your love is there.

There,
to help me fix what I've broken.
There,
to forgive,
rescue,
guide,
council
and cleanse,
there,
to forgive.

Waiting to forgive.

God, You have assigned me my portion,
"thank you" is too small,
words fail.
Humbled by your kindness to me.

And my cup.
Like some exotic elixir
who's recipe is unsearchable
the delights and sorrows
the abilities and trials
the impossibilities and miracles,
you have mixed into my cup,
and all for my good.

I am made strong by your wisdom,
with my every weakness met
and covered by your power.
My every enemy,
given boundaries
and slain
by the blood of the Lamb.

All this because I am yours.
All, without my earning or striving
somehow to attain,
You have made my lot secure.

Though battles rage for my peace
though a thief (at times) robs my joy
though my strength may fail,
You have made my lot secure
and lay your hand upon me
and call me your own.

The boundary lines have fall for me
in pleasant places.
In truth (at times) I wander
allured by the delusion of greener grass,
but unsatisfying counterfeits await
and compel my return to you.
As a loving Father,
you call my name
you bind my wounds
you heal my heart
and give me wisdom for folly
beauty for ashes
steadfast love for betrayal.

Father,
were I to quit my wandering eye,
the depth of pleasure
the height of contentment
attended by daily promises
of joy unquenchable
and unending bliss
are all contained
inside the boundary lines
you have drawn for me.

and surely,
I have a delightful inheritance.
The promise of eternity,
with the Creator and Lover of my soul
is my soul's rest,
reward,
and victory.

Oh God,
thank you.