Monday, February 19, 2024

The Feast

 In my study,
fasting informed
a feast.
Not merely indulging hunger;
Rather a savoring
of God's glory
kindness and goodness,
brought me to 
understand,
I have never
feasted.

A glimpse of Communion past,
a flash of 
Julie McCorman's
dessert table
(maybe)
But never have
I ever
feasted.

Then God gave me an image.
I sat at the table
and the warmth from my bowl 
lifted to my face.
The aroma filled my senses
and I lifted a taste to my lips.
At first touch to 
my tongue
tears welled in my eyes.
I turned and along the table
I saw my Great Grandma,
my Grandma and Grandpa,
and my Dad.
I saw my nephew
and my friend.
I saw all who had gone before me.

And then I felt him.

The glory of the Lord 
was at my side.
And as I turned to face Him,
He poured wine into my glass,
as tears streamed down my face.
He wiped them away,
and knelt down to meet my gaze.

Face to Face
all my life,
every prayer I had prayed
all my sorrow and pain,
were just moments we had shared together.

The brightness of His glory,
the melody of
His Voice,
the rhythm of His breath 
and heartbeat
and mercy
all filled the air

and joy I have never known,
we all enjoyed
at just the first 
bite.


c. Kim Damon

Thursday, December 28, 2023

Rest

Mom would say it when I was sick

maybe with a hand on my forehead.

Something you long for when pushing through 

a full day, or week, or year.


But there's a deeper meaning than just physical.

Rest can be mental and spiritual.

A mind that is racing with worry and fear,

regret, and self-loathing.

A spirit that feels forgotten by God,

or worse, unloved by Him.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened."

Unloved by Him?

These are His words.

Jesus is the friend who comes along side the weary soul

and offers help; 

offers a solution.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

He offers a solution.

When I'm tired, it's generally 

because I haven't taken Him up on this sweet offer.

Our humble, gentle hearted friend,

who longs to labor with us

who longs for us to learn from Him,

still makes the invitation.


Shalom dear friends!

"Today when you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts"


Monday, January 2, 2023

The Alter

Father,
I lay my addictions 
before you today.
Help me with fleshly 
distractions and hungers.

Phone
shopping
news
social media
alcohol
fried foods
sweet treats
caffeine

Father, 
help me to bring my attraction,
and magnetism of soul
to your alter, 
and release them to you.
Surely I was set free to walk in freedom.

I want to be sparked into 
the flame of action
by your Spirit alone.
I want o rest in the peace of gratitude
and rejoice in the 
God of my salvation 
alone.
I want to love you 
with all of my heart
all of my soul
all of my strength
all of my time
all of my money
all of my attention.

God, I want to love you with all 
that is within me,
and all at my disposal
for your glory 
and for my joy.

Tuesday, December 27, 2022

2022 was hard.

 2022 was hard.

As I look back,
this was not my hardest year,
but so many hard things happened,
I owe it to myself to say
this was hard
I don't mean to complain.
I actually am not fond of complaining,
not from others,
not from self.
Still,
how do you know
how miraculous the sustaining,
how do you know how costly the rescue,
if you do not know how difficult 
the preceding events?

When I had my presbytery,
it was so glorious,
so so encouraging and uplifting,
I thought it was imperative that I explain
the context,
the need for these words.
The prophets gave me medicine 
by their visions and scriptures,
and I had been struggling in silence.

So I shared about the spinal cord tumor,
and the clumsy, painful weakness 
that preceded their words.
I found myself surrounded by my loving church family;
prayed for by so many.
I was humbled by gifts and cards 
and words of encouragement
as well as the Lord
(daily)
giving me strength for each moment.
and words,
for each frustrating new limitation.
and then meds 
which clouded my mind a bit 
but managed the pain.

And then my dad died.
And then my dog died.
And it was hard.
So I said to God:
"You gave me those comforts to sooth my soul,
I need you to comfort me by your own hand now"
And of coarse God,
being God,
did.

So in answer to hard,
God increased his personal help to me.
And then I had a month of breathing trouble.
If I say it was easier not to inhale,
and that I rested in the peace of surrender 
with each breath,
that would describe the (yet undiagnosed)
sarcoidosis that had swelled the lymph nodes in my lungs.
And God helped me more.

He helped me to be at peace (again) with dyeing.
I am as ok about being here 
as I am about being with the Lord in Heaven.
which only sounds dark,
if you have not wrestled with mortality,
and been healed from fear.

OK, 2022 was hard.

But it was also full of love.
I said to the Lord 
(I'm sorry to admit)
"If I had no self love,
I'd have no love at all!"
Then the Lord showed me in a thousand ways
(after immediately saying sorry)
Just how much love he has showered over me
through humans.

I think that's my problem with complaining,
when you state the negative thought in your head,
you rob yourself (and others)
of seeing all the miraculous things 
that buffet us and buoy us up 
in the sea of our trial.

When teaching a class once
the Lord spoke words out of my mouth that I love.
"I am not a victim,
I am an object of Christ's affection".
And that is what I choose to focus on.
and by this, my mind and heart are guarded
by Christ.

As I look to 2023,
I just want to do better.
I have no grand goals.
Just (please Lord)
help me do better.
My weaknesses are more clear to me now than ever.
I think when we are physically weak,
we are less emotionally patient.
And I don't like the words I ear myself speak,
or the judgments I mentally make,
or the conversations of mean things 
my mind says:
"I should have said."

Oh God,
clean the inside of this vessel.
And fill me with more of You.

It was after you had been beaten
and after you had been spit upon and mauked
it was after you had been betrayed and slandered
that You said:
"Father forgive them,
they know not what they do."

I want to be like Christ
(unoffendable)
I want to be better at remaining silent
until I have the words of the Father.
I want to be better at laying my life down for my friends,
better at washing feet,
better at being humble
and submissive and kind 
in word 
and deed 
and thought,
in 2023

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Forgive me, I was asleep at the wheel. [and other terrifying excuses]

 Forgive me, I was asleep at the wheel.

[and other terrifying excuses]
Like,
I'm sorry, I have cancer brain.
honestly, I don't play the cancer card very often
and being asleep at the wheel would mean I crashed my car.
I have actually fallen asleep at the wheel before
but thank goodness,
woke right up!
I've heard "I had a senior moment",
and that's more accurate,
but I'm only 54
so I don't really think of myself as a senior.
There are more young folks in my friend group than ever before,
but I just thought that meant I was hip
(I am immediately aware this word dates me).
I did so love the 90's,
but I wouldn't go back if you paid me!
It's not that there weren't a few moments
I wish I had done better,
but God's grace helps me forgive myself,
and I try to apologize to the humans involved
if it seems important for their (or my) healing.
Sorry I digress,
When the bottom of the To-do list,
grows faster than the top is accomplished,
it would be easy for a few things
to drop through the cracks of the day.
I think that's what actually happened
the day I didn't do the thing, I said I'd do.
This does happen more now
than in past years,
or maybe I have forgotten
about all the times it happened before.
At any rate,
I have found the best way to make up for my failings,
is to repent, and try to make amends.
It's actually important (to me)
to keep my word,
so
"better late than never" if I'm honest that is plan B,
sounds contrite and
I'd rather be on time, but if not,
I will humbly show up late
and bring flowers.
And this,
is my preverbial bouquet.

Saturday, June 11, 2022

Did you ever wish?

 Did you ever sit there
and just wish.

Wish there was a plain
simple text

Something that could give
guidance when perplexed,
encouragement,
when down cast,
inspiration,
when stagnating
strength,
when worn out,

the key,
to open untold mysteries,
and the goal,
for every best life lived
A guide 
for our wandering lives.
A caution
for imminent danger.

Did you ever wish 
for the perfect prayer?

I found it.

Psalm 19
The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
The skies display his craftmanship.
Day after day they continue to speak;
night after night they make him known.
They speak without a sound or word;
their voice is never heard.
Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
and their words to all the world.

God has made a home in the heavens for the sun.
It bursts forth like a radiant bridegroom after his wedding.
It rejoices like a great athlete
eager to run the race.
The sun rises at one end of the heavens
and follows it's course to the other end.
Nothing can hide from it's heat.

The instructions of the LORD are perfect, 
reviving the soul.
The decrees of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.
The commandments of the LORD are right,
bringing joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are clear,
giving insight for living.
Reverence for the LORD is pure,
lasting forever.
The laws of the LORD are true;
each one is fair.
They are more desirable than gold,
even the finest god.
They are sweeter than honey,
even honey dripping from the comb.
They are a warning to your servant,
a great reward for those who obey them.

How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don't let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt 
and innocent of great sin.

May the words of my mouth 
and the meditations of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O LORD, my rock and my redeemer.

Thursday, May 5, 2022

A dark thought

Could I share a dark thought

that really helped me?

Like usually,

I can't say dark things 

without making those I love sad,

but I feel like you guys will get it.

OK, here goes:

I was reading survival rates and side effects of the surgery(s)

that lie in front of me,

and I thought

(as I wrestle to get up off my recliner

because my back hurts)

what if this is the best I will feel this year?

Even though this season is making me weak,

what if this is the most strong I will be

for the foreseeable future?

Well,

it helped me want to get up.

And put my house in order,

and write letters

and say what should be said...

and I thought you guys would get it,

and maybe that would help someone else

as well.

Also, taking baby steps,

and being kind to myself

when I need to rest.

Seize the day,

and God grant you peace,

my dear friends! 

xoxo