Wednesday, March 14, 2018

His Ways vs My Ways

I know,
I'm prone to doing things
my way,
and on my own.
I'm also prone to thinking I'm right,
I also know,
I'm happier and things are better,
if I do things as God directs.

And I know His ways are higher than my ways,
and His thoughts are wiser than my thoughts.

So I surrender,
(full of trust)
I surrender.

I don't abandon, will;
I allow the attraction of Your will, Abba
to compel my direction.

Just as a right angle will always (naturally)
go right,
my frame may dictate my natural ways,
but as I surrender
(to the One who intentionally
and carefully crafted me
for His purposes)
my orientation is changed
and I have no limitations.

When I rest in His hands,
I'm at peace,
full of joy,
and feel God's favor.
I rejoice in my Maker's joy and purpose,
and I rest.
Moving by the rythm of His heart,
captivated by the beauty of His glorious love,
I am free.

Friday, February 16, 2018


These days it looks like love is long suffering.
Feeling more badly about keeping someone else up,
than being kept up.

Thankful for the hand on my shoulder,
just to reassure me, it'll be OK,
or I'm not alone,
or just to see (even in the night)
if help is needed.

Love makes dinner,
love get's meds.
love forgives,
love spends it's strength,
to attend another's weakness.

Love feels sad,
but encourages,
love feels down,
but builds up.
Love hopes for better times,
and works to get there.

Love never fails,
but when it messes up,
it reconciles,
over and over.

Love refuses to be offended,
loves makes way for another's failings.
Love looks for the good.
Love praises the victories,
and consoles the losses.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it's not self-seeking,
it's not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
it always protects,
always trusts, always hopes,
always preserves.
Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies,
they will cease;
where there are tongues,
they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

Monday, January 15, 2018

I'm not judging you, but maybe I used to.

I'm not judging you,
but maybe I used to.

Do not judge, or you will be judged.
For with the same judgment you pronounce,
you will be judged;
and with the same measure you use,
it will be measured to you.

If those words do not cause you pause,
you either NEVER judge others,
or you read it too fast.

The truth is we are constantly
making assessments in life.
It's part of how we interact with others,
how we take information in,
and how we process things.

The trouble is,
Jesus gave this warning for a reason,
and we should take his words seriously.
He is the judge!
If he said this is how he's going to do it,
then he means it.

OK, all that is pretty heavy.
Truth is,
that was just the foundation
for what's really on my heart.

The Lord healed me from judging myself!
In a time of weakness and brokenness,
he showed me how much he loved me.
and in doing so,
he taught me not to judge myself anymore.

He helped me look at myself
with the same measure of grace,
I give others.
I realize this is the inside out of the scripture I started with,
but it's truth deep truth.
It's the heart of God that we not be judgmentle,
Jesus said to love others the way we love ourselves,
but if we struggle with self-loathing,
he was not saying to hate others the way we hate ourselves.
I had a core disease that needs to be healed.

For many of us, this bondage to self destructive thoughts
contaminates our relationships.
Well, back to the healing.
When God gave me a revelation of his great love for me
(even in my brokenness)
taking hold of me "by his righteous right hand"
and "helping" me, [Is41:13]
it transformed my mind and spirit.
I gave others even more grace,
I saw them differently!

Suddenly, they were on my team,
as I was on Jesus team,
all of us undeserving of this glorious grace,
all of us dearly loved.
I had given myself freedom to not be perfect,
when I saw God's love for me
was not based on my perfection,
but on his perfection.

His perfect love,
took hold of [broken] me,
and loved me.
All of me.

"Wait! Wait." You might say.
"All but your sin!"
What sin?
The stuff I so foolishly choose in moments of weakness?
That is not me.
He knows that,
and I'm learning that.

There will be a day that God will separate me from sin,
but until that day,
he washes my feet.
And as unworthy as Peter felt,

I feel.

I surrender all my daily grime,
and He shows his great great love for me
by kneeling down and washing my feet.
"No Lord, no!"
[my heart cries],
yet, I know I'm his,
so he must.

and the tears
and his sweetness
make me want to sin less,
and make me want to follow his example.
and wash other's.

I pray this precious love of our Lord,
will penetrate and transform,
any linger self loathing,
that's sets it'self up against the truth
of God's affection.

Friday, August 25, 2017

He bends down to listen

I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.
Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!

I enjoy some great relationships with children.
Often, if they are having a tantrum,
If I can make eye contact with them,
and ask what's wrong,
they usually calm down and explain the trouble.
It's not that others don't elicit the same response,
or others didn't ask “What's wrong?”

It's just that I bend down and listen.
I fix things for them,
or help them,
as if they are the only one in the room.
They know this about me
and my presence, calms them.

When I read this scripture,
I get it.
“I love the Lord because he hears my voice
and my prayer for mercy.”
Like, he's not distracted keeping the earth spinning,
or helping someone's football team win;
he hears my voice.
And he understands,
things are hard,
and I need him.

I usually have a good rapport with kids in public
(that I've never met)
mainly because I get down on their level and speak to them.

Rarely will I talk with them from the height of an adult to a child.
When I bend down, I am instantly nonthreatening.
I am a friend.
Usually I am greeted with twinkling eyes, and a wide grin.

God does that for me.
And “Because he bends down to listen,
I will pray as long as I have breath!”
How cool is that.?.
I see many adults on their phones or otherwise distracted
by important things
while their child is feeling frustrated,
scared, insecure or overwhelmed,
so the child gets louder,
and more scared and helpless feeling.

God bends down and listens.
He hears my voice and my cry for mercy.
So peace comes over me.
His strength, wrapped up by the will of his love,
are present and focused on me.
I'm not even sure how that's possible,
but I know beyond a doubt that it's true,
so like David,
I will pray as long as I breath.

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Fear is a lie

Fear is a lie
It's always about the next moment
(not the current one).
You ignore the current one
and all past moments,
where the Lord has been with you
and is with you.

And you imagine
He will not be in the next moment.
And perhaps,
you won't be able to handle it,
or He won't be able to handle it.

In my MRI, I was afraid.
The magnetic field was so strong
so disorienting I was terrified.

But I began to lean into God.
He walked with me through visions and dreams I'd had in the past.
At one point I thought "What is there to fear?
God is there (just like here).
God will be with me on the way
(just like now).
It would be as unfounded as a baby fearing birth.
Mother is there the entire time.
And her arms await us after the trial ends.

Fear has no power,
it's a lie that God wont go with us.
Nothing shall separate us
from the love of God.

I never meditated on those words
or had revelation about them (until now).
God loves me
so He protects me.
God loves me
so He sustains me.
God loves me
so He comforts me.
God loves me
so He fights for me.
God loves me
so He guides me.
God loves me
so He redeems me.

He qualifies me
He strengthens me
He carries me
He consoles me
He attends to me
and He guards me
and He cherishes me
and He rejoices over me
and He will never leave me
and nothing can separate me from his love.
He is love,
His power is love,
all his ways toward me are love
all my trials are given boundaries
by His love
all my sorrows are met
by His love
all my fears are quieted
by His love
and nothing can separate me from his love.
Not pain
not radiation,
not weight gain,
not MRIs
not tamoxifen,
not injections,
not wrong diagnosis,
nothing can separate me from His love,
not slander,
not floods,
not bombs,
not job loss,
not insults
not tragedy,
noting in all creations,
in fact no power or principality,
can ever(!) separate me from His love.

And so I rest.

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

The Next Thing I Write

I wrote "Beauty For Ashes"
and it all seemed so sad.
I couldn't wait for
the next thing I write.

I usually love to go back to what the Lord has spoken to me
in my last blog.
I'm almost always encouraged
struck by a new thing,

But every time I read the last one,
I just think "man, that's really sad"
it makes me wonder if anyone could be helped by it,
it makes me excited for
the next thing I write.

Excited for the next step in this journey.
The "joy that comes in the morning"
after the "sorrow that may last for the night".

Well, wishing for the morning doesn't make it come.
Only waiting does.
I don't think I'm good at waiting.
It's not an active stance.

Today someone said she was taking a day of rest,
and asked if anyone had any ideas of what she could do.

That seemed wrong,
but I totally understood.
is what she was meant to do.
"doing" is not resting.
You can't rest,
and do.

Maybe that's part of this time.
and why it's so hard,
I'm not doing.
It's not by choice,
and I don't love it.
But I think it's good.

God created things for 6 days and then said
they were good.
Then he rested.
Did he say rest was good?
I looked it up.
He rested and said the day was holy
and sanctified it.

God rested.

This is not the next thing
(that I'll write)
(that will be encouraging)
(at least to me)
this is the intermission
where everyone takes a break
and runs to the bathroom,
or in my case,
just sits there
and wishes the real adventure
would start again.

Except in this story
(my story)
the Lord sits down beside me
and says:
"Now that it's quiet,
now that you're still,
let's chat."

OK, I'm thankful for that picture.
I'll hang on to that one for a bit.
God bless your day!
I need to go,
Rest. And listen.

Friday, May 26, 2017

Beauty Out Of Ashes

How can I bring you glory, Lord
in weakness?
How can I bring you glory
gripped by fear?
My body becomes entranced
by fear and sadness
while my mind
searches for your hand to lift me up.

Your Word to quench my tongue,
is what I long for.
Your Word to still these fears is what I need.
How can I benefit from this breaking, Lord?
How can this rubble
bring you praise?

God, to my last breath I will confirm your goodness.
In my last effort
I will seek your face.

But while I live, Lord
help me see you.
While I live, Lord
attend my frame.

Once protected from this weight of uncertainty,
let me now dance by the power of your grace.

How can a gift you've given
be taken from me?
How can my joy
be stolen away?

Remind my flesh
of your keeping.
Remind my countenance
of your care.

I'm so sorry Father
for my fear.
I'm so sorry
for shrinking back
I'm sorry
to be frozen by this sadness,
I'm sorry
to be slow to praise.

How can I bring you glory
when I'm broken, Lord?
How can I praise you
from here?

This pile of rubble
belongs to you, Lord.
I surrender what's left of me,
to your care.

You say you make beauty,
out of ashes
and I've felt you carry me
thus far.
So although I'm longing
to see the finish,
I will wait,
my Lord
and hope in you.

How great is the goodness you have stored up
for those who fear you.
You lavish it on those who come to you
for protection,
blessing them before the watching world.
Psalm 31:19