Thursday, March 8, 2012

Doubt [2nd in a series of 4 written for Holy Week)

If you hear the word doubt,
I know who you think of…
if you Even hear his name,
You think of doubting…
But Thomas was not
the only one who doubted…

Like when my brother died…
I knew he would have been healed,
if only Jesus had come…
But He didn’t!
How could He stay away
and let Lazarus die!?..
If He was the Messiah!
Would He have caused such pain?
What would you think?!

Then there was the betrayal...
And the beatings,
And His death on a cross...
Like a criminal!
What would you think?!

Sure He healed people…
And taught with authority…
And made me feel like I had worth…
For the first time ever!
But He died!
Let’s face it,
He died!

They yelled their insults at Him!
and He just stood there!
and took it!
What kind of Kingdom King was He?
What kind of Father
would let His son be treated like this?..

Was I a fool about all the rest as well?
To think I had value!
and that God could forgive all my foolishness?
Oh, God!
Please don’t let it be all a lie!
Surely this “too good to be true”,
[quieter, trailing off]
Is not …too good to be true...
God was it all true?
Oh God,
Answer me!?...
I want to be
all that He made me…
feel I was.
But how could He leave me?!
How could He die?!…
Who will “save us now?!”
[quieter, trailing off]
How can He save us now…

Fear [1st in a series of 4 written for Holy Week]

I’m sure you know me.
My name is Mary.
But I thought you might like to know
Some things about me…
I used-to-be paralyzed by fear,
unable to experience peace,
to enjoy quiet,
or to find rest
before I met Raboni.
Jesus cast out the demons
that darkened my days
and shrouded my nights
with thoughts of death.
Light and life
and freedom and love
had been given to me.
And I cherished every day
listening to His teachings...
It was incredible,
that He would speak my name.
Yet now…Now…
It’s too horrible to imagine…
all they have done to Him…
I keep seeing His face…
Those loving eyes...
The suffering…
How could they punish
someone so loving?
His life has been stolen away…
What…will become of me, now?
Just as they hated Him,
They hate all of His followers!
Are the others afraid as well?
I’m terrified
I feel lost and alone.
I’m not paralyzed by fear…
But I’m taunted by it.
Oh, Jesus…
The light
The love
The peace
The joy…
How could they have betrayed Him?
I thought they couldn’t kill Him
unless He had chose to die.
Surely His Father would not allow His death.
Yet, I watched Him die.
And what about His kingdom?!
Oh, that His kingdom would come…
God help us! Help us…