Doubt [2nd in a series of 4 written for Holy Week)

If you hear the word doubt,

I know who you think of…

if you Even hear his name,

You think of doubting…

But Thomas was not

the only one who doubted…

Like when my brother died…

I knew he would have been healed,

if only Jesus had come…

But He didn’t!

How could He stay away

and let Lazarus die!?..

If He was the Messiah!

Would He have caused such pain?

What would you think?!

Then there was the betrayal...

And the beatings,

And His death on a cross...

Like a criminal!

What would you think?!

Sure He healed people…

And taught with authority…

[quieter]

And made me feel like I had worth…

Like…

For the first time ever!

But He died!

Let’s face it,

He died!

They yelled their insults at Him!

and He just stood there!

and took it!

What kind of Kingdom King was He?

What kind of Father

would let His son be treated like this?..

Was I a fool about all the rest as well?

To think I had value!

and that God could forgive all my foolishness?

Oh, God!

Please don’t let it be all a lie!

Surely this “too good to be true”,

[quieter, trailing off]

Is not …too good to be true...

God was it all true?

Oh God,

Answer me!?...

I want to be

all that He made me…

feel I was.

But how could He leave me?!

How could He die?!…

God!

Who will “save us now?!”

[quieter, trailing off]

How can He save us now…