Pick me Lord, pick me

I think since the fall
women have felt guilty.
It's what we do,
we regret.

If only Eve hadn't chosen
to eat the fruit.
If only we had used our time more wisely.
If only we had spent less money
foolishly.
If only we had taught our children
more diligently.
If only we had been more patient.
If only we had given up ourselves
more completely.

If only we were better.
If only we were stronger.
If only we were...
softer,
more beautiful,
skinnier,
more intelligent,
more insightful,
more courageous,
more cultured,
a better cook.

If only I was just like her.
If only I was just like him.

If only I wasn't me.
Oh, God
there it is.
If only I wasn't me.

But what if...
What if you like the way You made me?
What if you don't measure me
by the number on scale?
What if you are not troubled
by my weaknesses
and do not wish me
to be someone else?

What if all the promises You made
in Your Word
are really true for me.
What if you really do love me.

It would change everything.
All the loneliness would be
quenched like a fire by a flood.
All my fears would be met by Truth.
All my guilt would be forgiven
and I would rest in Your love.

You seek those who would
worship You in Spirit and truth.
What if You looked down
and said my name.
What if You picked me.

Oh God....
What if You picked me.

Not like the line up for teams at school
when I'm the last one standing.
The last choice
no one wanted on their team.
What if You looked at everyone
and called my name.

This thought, melts me.
I long for this truth
to feel true.
God fix my thoughts
So I'm not ruled by regret
So I'm not bullied by guilt and fear.

All is forgiven
(even the next sin)
(and the one after that).

You bought me,
my entire life,
not just moments
when I was at my best.
Father,
help me to rest in that truth.

To know You love me,
to know You chose me,
to know You forgive me
and hold me near,
to know You have a plan for me,
brings me to the place of worship,

causes me to love You with all my
heart, soul, mind, and strength,
And causes me to worship You
in Spirit and truth.

c. Kim Damon 2014