Saturday, January 10, 2015

Why I cant lower my head in worship.

Why I cant lower my head in worship.
I mean I can,
and I do,
but inevitably, I feel it,
He comes to me and puts His loving hand under my chin
and raises my gaze to Him.

I am flooded with tears and The Sweetness.

This could as easily be titled:
“Why I cry during worship”

He comes to me.

Yes, the God who died for me
comes to me.
He loves me so much
He desires me to feel His love
receive His glory on my face
and be healed
and be warmed
and be set free
and be renewed
and be forgiven
and be loved
and to know His favor.

All this,
when I look into His face.

But I cant see His face
or His glory when I look down.
When I look to the light of His countenance
He owns me
He made me
He calls me
He formed me
He redeemed me
and He doesn’t want me to look down in shame.

When He suffered on the cross
He scorned it's shame.

He wants me to receive the love
(that brought Him there)
the love that kept Him there
the love that captures me,
hopes for me,
intercedes for me.
And at that invitation,

I cry.
I'm overcome by that love,
and I melt.
I'm softened,
I'm pliable,
I receive.

The world makes me harder and colder
but God warms me,
and makes me soft.
It's still me
(the me He adores)
but it's me, in His presence,
able to hear,
and able to receive
the love He wants to give.

Rather than the doubt filled,
bitter, selfish, proud
(and all the worst of me)
(that lowers my head in shame
and reverence.)
I'm not saying lowering ones head is wrong
I go there
and the man who lowered his head
and couldn’t even look up to God
but said he was unworthy
left God's presence justified by God that day,
(unlike the proud man).

But God doesn’t want us to stay there,
well, He doesn’t want me to stay there,
and I'm not any different than any other,
except maybe I have sinned more
or different than others.
But no sin is new and none is the same
and He said He had no favoritism,

He even promises to give us the same steadfast love
He gave David
(the man after God's own heart)
if we would turn to Him and listen to Him.

So when I feel His hand under my chin
raising my gaze,
I'm broken,
I'm in awe that He doesn’t want me to stay there
(mourning my unworthiness and sin)
That He wants me to feel His love
and His favor.
He wants me to receive all He wants to give me.
And He gives that invitation to us all.

I tried to intercede when I was receiving
and I saw an image of me looking into the source of light
and trying to reach down or out to grab others
and truthfully
I knew that as I'm showered in His light
it's seen and others are drawn
I just need to keep my focus on Him
and they will not see me (apart from Him)
they will see Him.
And be drawn to Him.

All the way around the answer is to keep my focus on Him.
When I’m about my day
when I think of others
it's good to bring them before the Lord
but when I'm worshiping
it's time to receive.
I am His priority.
In that moment, let me be changed
and blessed to be a changer and a blessing.

c. Kim Damon 2015

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