Friday, December 30, 2016

It was a good year!

Feeling incredibly blessed. 

Looking to finish out the year well. 
I imagined having a day 
when I applied all the wisdom gained, 
by all the mistakes I've made
(all year!).
Could you imagine getting it right once?
One day with no mistakes,
no foolishness,
no insensitivity,
no waist,
no ingratitude.
So maybe I'll wake tomorrow,
and I'll try.
Try to be kind (at all times).
Grateful (for all things).
Purposeful (in all my effort).
Prayerful and obedient.
Abiding and generous.
Brave and bold.
Humble and meek
(NTS figure out what meek even means)
Patient and long suffering.
I think after an entire year
of working on these things,
I'd be farther ahead?
But I still have so far to go,
and some days it feels like such a battle
just to stand my ground.
Maybe it's not about how far I traveled
but who was in the car with me,
and what we talked about.
God, we have had so many great conversations!
I have shared with you the deepest hardest things,
and you have helped me trough each one.
I trust you more than I did last year.
You have shown me you are trustworthy.
I am less fearful this year,
as you have helped me be brave.
I have learned to trust you more
more than I mistrust myself.
I love myself more now.
It might sound strange,
but the more I love God,
the more I experience His love for me,
the more I realize I must have worth.
And I am who God made me.
And he likes the way He made me.
I'm better at believing that than I was last year.
Sometimes I just hope things (like that) are true.
But the more times God tells me,
while we travel,
the more I know it's true.
He whispers to me
in His Word and by His Spirit.
Some days I've been so busy,
I missed His whispers.
God I'm learning,
there is no more important thing
than listening to you,
and walking in obedience.
I'm learning fear is a lie.
Fear says you wont always be there.
It says you wont always provide.
It says you don't really love me.
It says you will only love me if I lose weight,
or get something right.
Or avoid something wrong.
But you told me you wont ever leave me.
You said you would give me everything I need
for life and godliness.
You said there was no greater love
than to lay down your life for a friend,
and then you laid yours down.
You said your power is made perfect in my weakness,
and that you (intentionally) put your all surpassing power
into this clay pot,
to show that the glory was from you
and not me.
It's been a great year, God.
Thank you!

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