How could He be so kind

Oh Lord,
You have assigned me
my portion.
tears...
if I could have picked the life
you have given me,
hope and faith
would have made me dream
smaller.

It is too lavish, too precious,
too wonderful for me,
to have dreamed this life;
and yet,
as a matter of course,
You declared my life,
would be mine.

All the love
in my marriage,
my children,
my friendships,
all the miracles
of your grace
and the abundance
of your mercy,
all your patience
with which you have displayed your divine guidance
all your steadfast love
and rescuing power
exerted on my behalf.

Father, how could you be so kind?
I never have had a need,
that your provision has ignored.
I never have had a longing,
that your love has not quenched
and when I fail you,
still, your love is there.

There,
to help me fix what I've broken.
There,
to forgive,
rescue,
guide,
council
and cleanse,
there,
to forgive.

Waiting to forgive.

God, You have assigned me my portion,
"thank you" is too small,
words fail.
Humbled by your kindness to me.

And my cup.
Like some exotic elixir
who's recipe is unsearchable
the delights and sorrows
the abilities and trials
the impossibilities and miracles,
you have mixed into my cup,
and all for my good.

I am made strong by your wisdom,
with my every weakness met
and covered by your power.
My every enemy,
given boundaries
and slain
by the blood of the Lamb.

All this because I am yours.
All, without my earning or striving
somehow to attain,
You have made my lot secure.

Though battles rage for my peace
though a thief (at times) robs my joy
though my strength may fail,
You have made my lot secure
and lay your hand upon me
and call me your own.

The boundary lines have fall for me
in pleasant places.
In truth (at times) I wander
allured by the delusion of greener grass,
but unsatisfying counterfeits await
and compel my return to you.
As a loving Father,
you call my name
you bind my wounds
you heal my heart
and give me wisdom for folly
beauty for ashes
steadfast love for betrayal.

Father,
were I to quit my wandering eye,
the depth of pleasure
the height of contentment
attended by daily promises
of joy unquenchable
and unending bliss
are all contained
inside the boundary lines
you have drawn for me.

and surely,
I have a delightful inheritance.
The promise of eternity,
with the Creator and Lover of my soul
is my soul's rest,
reward,
and victory.

Oh God,
thank you.

As the deer pants for water

You are the source of my best craving,
my purest hope,
my greatest longing.
You define peace and joy
in your embrace.

By your favor,
I have known freedom.
By your love,
I have known security.

Things that distract me
have come and robbed me of clarity and vision,
Then you come and call me back.
You always rescue
and call me back.

Your love is steadfast
strong and true.
Always lifting, forgiving,
purifying and strengthening me.

I'm so unworthy and so gratful
for your love.

As the deer pants for streams of water,
So my soul pants for you, O God.

You are the source of my best craving,
my purest hope
my greatest longing.

When you come to me
I am whole.
In your will, I am free.
In your presence,
is joy unspeakable.

light of your glory,
  sounds of your love,
    lifting of your pleasure,
      tastes of your joy

All earthly pleasures
only a pale imitation of divine enjoyment.
The goodness of God,
to be savored for all eternity,
only sampled now,
more awaits us than our earthly frame could survive.

Deep calls to deep 
in the roar of your waterfalls;
All your waves and breakers have swept over me.
By day the Lord directs his love,
at night his song is with me-a prayer to the God of my life.

You O God
are the source of my hearts longing
the strength of my soul,
the best good I have ever hoped for
or imagined
And my heart's compass
directs me (always) to you.

A Good Friday Reflection From Isaiah 53

He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, 
nothing in his appearance that we should desire him...
I pictured walking by, not being attracted to him,
but his eyes captured me.
I was filled with love,
inescapable, arresting, love.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Him.
I longed to live in those loving eyes.
Is this why they blindfolded you when they beat you?
Could they not bare to look into those eyes?
Like one from whom men hide their faces...
They just couldn’t bare to behold your deep,
deep love.
I paused and couldn’t walk by.
All time stopped, all else in life disappeared,
It was just you
and the eternity of creative,
redeeming,
rescuing,
protective,
compelling,
love.
I longed for it.
It called to me.
I found it all in the gaze of your loving eyes.
All life was wrapped up in this moment,
Please, may I stay, I thought.
Then I realized it was you who stopped my motion,
you stood still capturing me,
longing to stay with me,
and share the moment.
You were not on your way somewhere else,
you had been waiting,
watching,
calling me,
all with this look,
all in your eyes,
the window to your loving soul.
Surely you took up my infirmities,
And carried my sorrows.
You were pierced for my transgressions,
and crushed for my iniquities,
I want to pour salve on your wounds
And weep at your feet.
Thank you my champion,
My Hero,
My King,
I was unable,
you accomplished, what I could not.
I was a failure,
But you qualified me.
Thank you my hero,
My King.
I was an orphan,
You adopted me and put me in a family.
You were punished to bring me peace,
You were wounded that I might be healed.
I was lost like a sheep,
and had gone astray.
Yet, you like a lamb were silent
and led to slaughter.
by this oppression and judgment,
I was set free.
My light of life,
You have made me righteous
And justified many
You poured out your life
unto death,
To give me life.
The reality of this love,
is clearly seen,
as I look into your eyes.
I worship you my Champion and King

His Ways vs My Ways

I know,
I'm prone to doing things
my way,
and on my own.
I'm also prone to thinking I'm right,
But,
I also know,
I'm happier and things are better,
if I do things as God directs.

And I know His ways are higher than my ways,
and His thoughts are wiser than my thoughts.

So I surrender,
actively,
attentively,
obediently,
(full of trust)
I surrender.

I don't abandon, will;
I allow the attraction of Your will, Abba
to compel my direction.

Just as a right angle will always (naturally)
go right,
my frame may dictate my natural ways,
but as I surrender
(to the One who intentionally
and carefully crafted me
for His purposes)
my orientation is changed
and I have no limitations.

When I rest in His hands,
I'm at peace,
full of joy,
and feel God's favor.
I rejoice in my Maker's joy and purpose,
and I rest.
Moving by the rhythm of His heart,
captivated by the beauty of His glorious love,
and I am free.

Love

These days it looks like love is long suffering.
Feeling more badly about keeping someone else up,
than being kept up.

Thankful for the hand on my shoulder,
just to reassure me, it'll be OK,
or I'm not alone,
or just to see (even in the night)
if help is needed.

Love makes dinner,
again.
love get's meds.
love forgives,
again.
love spends it's strength,
to attend another's weakness.

Love feels sad,
but encourages,
love feels down,
but builds up.
Love hopes for better times,
and works to get there.

Love never fails,
but when it messes up,
it reconciles,
over and over.

Love refuses to be offended,
loves makes way for another's failings.
Love looks for the good.
Love praises the victories,
and consoles the losses.

Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others,
it's not self-seeking,
it's not easily angered,
it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil
but rejoices with the truth.
it always protects,
always trusts, always hopes,
always preserves.
Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies,
they will cease;
where there are tongues,
they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

I'm not judging you, but maybe I used to.

I'm not judging you,
but maybe I used to.

Do not judge, or you will be judged.
For with the same judgment you pronounce,
you will be judged;
and with the same measure you use,
it will be measured to you.

If those words do not cause you pause,
you either NEVER judge others,
or you read it too fast.

The truth is we are constantly
making assessments in life.
It's part of how we interact with others,
how we take information in,
and how we process things.

The trouble is,
Jesus gave this warning for a reason,
and we should take his words seriously.
He is the judge!
If he said this is how he's going to do it,
then he means it.

OK, all that is pretty heavy.
Truth is,
that was just the foundation
for what's really on my heart.

The Lord healed me from judging myself!
In a time of weakness and brokenness,
he showed me how much he loved me.
and in doing so,
he taught me not to judge myself anymore.

He helped me look at myself
with the same measure of grace,
I give others.
I realize this is the inside out of the scripture I started with,
but it's truth deep truth.
It's the heart of God that we not be judgmentle,
Jesus said to love others the way we love ourselves,
but if we struggle with self-loathing,
he was not saying to hate others the way we hate ourselves.
I had a core disease that needs to be healed.

For many of us, this bondage to self destructive thoughts
contaminates our relationships.
Well, back to the healing.
When God gave me a revelation of his great love for me
(even in my brokenness)
taking hold of me "by his righteous right hand"
and "helping" me, [Is41:13]
it transformed my mind and spirit.
I gave others even more grace,
I saw them differently!

Suddenly, they were on my team,
as I was on Jesus team,
all of us undeserving of this glorious grace,
all of us dearly loved.
I had given myself freedom to not be perfect,
when I saw God's love for me
was not based on my perfection,
but on his perfection.

His perfect love,
took hold of [broken] me,
and loved me.
All of me.

"Wait! Wait." You might say.
"All but your sin!"
What sin?
The stuff I so foolishly choose in moments of weakness?
That is not me.
He knows that,
and I'm learning that.

There will be a day that God will separate me from sin,
but until that day,
he washes my feet.
And as unworthy as Peter felt,

I feel.

Yet,
I surrender all my daily grime,
and He shows his great great love for me
by kneeling down and washing my feet.
"No Lord, no!"
[my heart cries],
yet, I know I'm his,
so he must.

and the tears
and his sweetness
make me want to sin less,
and make me want to follow his example.
and wash other's.

I pray this precious love of our Lord,
will penetrate and transform,
any linger self loathing,
that's sets it'self up against the truth
of God's affection.