Face to face

Father,
Your Word says
You desire us to seek your face,
this is the deep cry of my heart,
to have You look at me
and I at You;
to stand with You
face to face.

If I close my eyes
and imagine it,
I feel the love
and complete understanding.
and I could stand there forever,
looking into the deep pools of love
in Your eyes.
I'm captured by Your love
and held fast.
No reason to move
all I ever needed,
ever wanted,
is there,
in your presence.

Maybe after a long time
(of enjoying our togetherness)
we would exchange words,
expressions of love.
Salvation is one big expression of love
but to hear you say it...
would be the pinnacle experience
of all my life.

You Father,
look for those who
worship in Spirit and truth.
Pick me.
Father,
pick me.

You are going to send Jesus
to go get His bride one day,
Oh how I long for that day,
and surrender to your
process of purification
that we may be ready,
without spot or blemish.

I think of how painful it is
when the dross is being burned away...
but oh
         how
               worth it.

When I think about the goal,
the joy set before me,
(of being united with You)
it's enough to endure any hardship.
I go willingly into any trial,
knowing your council
                      and provision
                            and fellowship
                                       go with me.

Just as real as when we stand
face to face,
like reading a love note
over and over
I feel the love,
but only a foretaste
and oh how I long for that day.
Lord let me be found
about your business
upon your return.

Loving
feeding
and caring for
the poor
the broken
the week
and addicted
the imprisoned
and widowed
the orphaned 
and oppressed.

You were pretty clear
about a few things in your Word,
for those who seek your favor,
who seek salvation,
who seek your face,
who worship you
with all their heart,
soul,
mind,
and strength,
we are told to:
love You
and love people.

Not just the loveable ones
You in effect said:
That doesn't count.
Love those who are unlovable
do for those
who cant repay.

So that's it.
Here's life
and all the resources of heaven.

Love God
and love people.
I'll be back soon.
I'm not leaving you as orphans
I will live within you
and even help you.

Oh God,
let me work every day
with Your goal
as my goal.
and when I pause to read your love note
and meditate on days to come...
Fill me with all I need
to will and to do
your good.

Until we stand
face to face.

c Kim Damon 2013

Rest

Praying for a child to nap,
to surrender to rest,
I asked God if I could go there,
to that far away place
of rest,
to the Island of Misfit toys
where all our weaknesses
are merely part of who we are
where we are accepted
and loved
not for our ability
or appearance
which wane and fade and falter
but for something
deeper
something true
and real
something only discovered
when at rest.

Our true self.
Good and pure
untainted
unlabeled
unashamed
and whole.

I want to believe
like a child in Christmas
in fairy tails
but I don't know if I ever did
maybe I only wished it was true
maybe the child with in me
knew
It was out there
somewhere
the good
the pure
the acceptance
the holy
God.
My Maker.
My Defender
and that place
of rest.

I think I may have played there
as a child
when I was alone.
Like something
or Someone
pulled me away
and said:
"Come to me."

Battles ragged around me
and sometimes I heard:
"She's Mine!"
He kept me
even then
knowing one day
I'd be free.

I wonder. Still. Now.
Am I free?
He's still doing this work,
this freeing me.
He set me free, alright
and for freedom sake,
yet,
I manage to yoke myself again
as a slave
to sin.
So He is still
calling me,
still pulling me away
to that place
of freedom,
that place
of rest.

I see it when I close my eyes:
battles fought and won,
we stand on the battle field
with ragged flag
waving in the wind.
A stillness covers the land
scattered foes lay slain
all around,
pride,
envy,
hatred,
and bitterness,
lie in a heap,
no longer able to rule me.

And I rest.
And I'm free.
And the sun shines down.
And I know God's favor.
And I rest.

c Kim Damon 2013

Everything Else

Since he did not spare even his own Son

but gave him up for us all,

won’t he also give us everything else?

I so-pose some may use this for

Prosperity preaching…

To assure us

Of all our dreams

Our wealth

And, well…

Prosperity.

But when I read this,

I feel my Fathers hand

on my shoulder.

I feel His reassurance.

Reassurance…

Funny, cause He already assured me

But now,

He reassures me…

He will give me all I need

“everything”!

Emotional support

When I’m low,

Encouragement

When I cant hear the truth,

Comfort

When I’m grieving,

Steadying when I falter

And my footing feels weak.

Hope when I look down,

So much more to see

Then I focus on

at times.

I haven’t missed out.

I lack nothing.

I’m not a victim.

I haven’t got second best.

Since he did not spare even his own Son

but gave him up for us all,

won’t he also give us everything else?

There is no good thing I lack.

If I wanted it

And don’t have it

I have better

The One who gave me life

And created the ability

To feel joy and peace

Said he would give me everything

If there’s something more than everything,

I don’t want it.

Thank you

Father

Thank you

c Kim Damon 2013

Trust

Trust in the Lord,
with all your heart.

To trust in the Lord
I must put aside my fears.
Funny...
I didn't think I had any.

All the voices
speaking just enough truth
to wound my heart.
They say I love the world
more than the Lord.
That my prayers
and longings
and words
and tears
for the Lord
are canceled out,
out numbered
by my sin.

Leaving me a worthless,
whimpering,
self soothing,
a hypocrite.
The words sting
even to write them,
tears well up
to let these weapons of the enemy
see the light of day,
they have echoed
down the halls of my mind
for so long,
a constant noise,
a beating drum
that effects
the rhythm of my days
and even my prayers.

Trust the Lord
with all my heart...

The words ask me to unlock the door
and invite Jesus
into that thought,
that hiding place in my heart.

I'll be exposed and judged
and rejected
by the Lord.
The fear warns me.

Oh the power this lie has had
to effect my life,
my character,
my relationships,
even my faith.

Trust the Lord with
all your heart.

These words...
Oh these words,
they implore me
to give this part
of my heart
as well.

...and lean not on your own understanding...

You see if I keep the fear
of being judged
and exposed
and rejected,
hidden away,
it only has more power to disable me.

So I choose to trust,
to open the door
and let the light of the Lord
expose this lie
to the illuminating,
radiant,
glorious
truth:

He did
what I could not do.
He lived
all the right ways,
because I was unable.

My love for Him
and sorrow over sin,
matters to Him.
He makes it have worth,
my tears have worth.

He is stronger
than I am week.
He is wiser than
my foolishness.
He is able
to save me.

Lord I submit to you:
all my ways,
all my thoughts,
all my days,
all my fears,
all my love,
all my life,
and I trust you
with all my hart,
leaning not on my own understanding,
I submit all my ways to you.

Thank you for your faithfulness
to guide,
to heal,
to cleanse,
and protect
my heart.

I trust you

c Kim Damon 2013

What do you see?

Does God see me
apart from my sin?
He could not love me
if He saw me
the way I see myself.
He could not use me
if He judged me
the way I judge
myself.

Tears.

But it's not about me
except that He covers me.
It's not about me
except that He washes me.
It's not about me
except that He qualifies me.
It's about Him
and His love for the broken,
the foolish,
and humble.

All have sinned
and fall short
but only some
realize
how far they have fallen,
how much they lack,
how desperately they need
forgiveness,
and how constantly they need grace.

My sin may differ from others
or maybe not
but we all like sheep have gone astray
and our great God
has come to seek and save the lost.
Easy enough to trust the moment of salvation,
easy enough to rest in the shepherd
carrying the wounded home on His shoulders,
but to trust the process
 of sanctification,
to rest in His abundance of grace,
poured out liberally,
to forgive self,
as often as He forgives me,
this is hard.

Only the truth of God's Word
can combat the doubt
birthed
by condemning voices.
I wont dignify the enemy
by giving him credit for my doubt.
I am just as capable of condemning
myself as the enemy.

God give me the view
You have of things.
Renew my understanding
of my place in Your plan.
Of my security
in Your will.
Father,
hold me so tight
that I can not be pulled away.

Is this the hunger and thirsting for
righteousness
that will be
satisfied by your feast?
Will You one day
come and banish fear and doubt,
along with sin and death?
Shine Your light
in the darkness I feel.
Illuminate the
blinding night.
God arise,
and let Your enemies be scattered.
And let me be found
able to stand,
enabled by Christ.

Dear one,
you tremble at my Word.
Fear will vanish
as it melts away,
destroyed by truth.
Only let your fears
take you to My Word,
no further.
No other direction.
My Word holds all
things together.
My Word created all things
My Word
spoken into the darkness
created the light.
Fear is banished
in the light of My love.
Separate yourself
unto Me,
(in your heart and mind)
keep sacred things sacred.
Set apart for my use,
cleansed by the blood of Christ,
and ready for service,
service to the King.
Stay ready,
watch and pray,
guard your heart and mind.
Only by meditating on my Word
and spending time in prayer
will you be ready
in every season
to extinguish
the firey darts of the enemy,
the condemning attack.
The seeds of doubt
are sewn by the enemy
and sewn by neglect
of my Word.

c Kim Damon 2013

One day I want to be ready

I want to be ready,
to be part of the faithful remnant.
I want to be wearing
fine linen,
bright and clean.

I want to be at the wedding supper
of the Lamb
to behold
Faithful and True,
riding on His white horse.

I want to look into His blazing eyes
to behold the beauty.
I want to watch as heavens armies
dressed in white linen
follow upon white horses.

I want to fall down before the
great white throne
and worship the
One seated on it.

I want my name written
in the book of life,
and when my stories read...
and I'm judged
according to what I've done,
I want my Father to be pleased.

One day...
I want to behold the new heaven and earth
to enjoy God
as His dwelling place
is among His people.

Please God,
save me from all I see,
all that denies
all that I hope for.
All that
pulls me away
from these things
I long for.

This longing for
beacons me
to come away,
yet the earth,
clamors
and competes
for my affection.

Keep me faithful
you deserve nothing less
than my complete devotion.
Nothing less
than all my adoration.
Keep me,
Lord,
guard me,
lest I be lured away
by the desires
of my flesh.

Is this every believers fear?
Is this their longing and desire?
Do they all have more confidence
in all they hope for,
than I?
Or do they tremble
at your Word
at the gap
(so great)
between
what will be
and all
I can see.

God let what's real
(that I behold so dimly)
consume all
that I see on earth.
God save me.
Please fix me.
Surely I'm not broken
beyond your ability to repair.

God speak to the
fears and doubt
inside me,
calm the waters
and let your peace
bring rest
to my heart

One day I want to be ready

c Kim Damon 2013

What is today?

What is today?
Do you ever spend
days and weeks,
hours and minutes,
waiting for a
thing?
A day,
an event,
a happening?
What if that moment
never comes?
What if all your moments
are wasted
waiting for a different
moment,
which passes,
as you dream
of another?
Like trying to hold the wind
or capture a wave
while being pushed
by another.

What is today?
What's it for anyway?
If it was the last day,
would you be ready?
If you made a list
of all your important
words
and tasks,
would each thing be done?
How would you start?
Would you finish?
What if today
was the best day?
Would you wish it
away?

Could you pick up
your moments
and embrace them
as gifts,
sharing them
with friends
loved ones
and lonely strangers,
those loved by
another,
those someone gave birth to
and prays for,
those loved by the Lord?

What is today?
Is this a day
to be feed,
a day to get,
a day to rest,
a day to forget?

Are your tasks
already written down
planned to the letter?
What if God has a plan
that is better?

All my days were
written in His book
before one of them came to be.
He's the Author
and finisher of my
Faith.
He told me to be ready.
What did He write?
Does it match
my plan?
Am I doing the good works
He planned before the
creation of the World
for me to do?
When He returns
will I be about
His business?
Will I be ready,
found waiting,
oil flask full
and wick trimmed?
Will my Beloved
come soon?

Who would I tell?
How would I live
if these were my
last moments?
What would I pray?
What would I say?
What is today?

c Kim Damon 2013

Tribute

Mom,
this morning
(on my birthday)
it seems fitting to thank you.
We are bound together
by this day.
This day marks my passage
from inside the womb
to breathing earths air.

Thank you
for loving me.
Thank you
for enduring back aches
and swollen ankles.
Thank you for labor
(which only began
your painful toil on my behalf).
Thank you for sleepless nights
for kissing my feverish brow
for praying for my protection
(when I was beyond your reach)
for working hard
and instilling me
with independence
for having cheerful
be your re-set mode.
Thank you for
trusting me
or just letting me make
my own mistakes.
Thank you for helping me
(so many times)
helping me.
Thanklessly at times
helping me.

Today feels to me
like Mothers day.
It is (after all)
the day you gave birth to me.

Thanks for hearing my brash
teen accusations
and loving me still.
Thank you for grace
all that you gave me,
for all you had received.

You
(like me)
didn't have the
perfect home life,
so you,
(like me)
had to do what seemed best.
Thank you.

I owe so many of my strengths
and yes,
my weaknesses
to your modeling.
and I am so thankful
to have you
as my Mom.

I can see so many things
(that God has thought good)
about our relationship.
As I teach my girls
(with word and deed)
I know (they too)
will only fully
"get it"
when they are a Mom.
This note
is to let you know:

I get it.

Thank you.

Much, much love Mom
on my birthday,
Kimberly

c Kim Damon 2013