A Cruel Paradox

Father,

there is a gap between what I believe

and how I think.

It's as if I start out riding in a Ferrari

only to wake,

finding myself running

in a Barney Rubble car,

with sore feet.

How can I live so differently

than all my resolve commands.

How do I sell myself short so consistently?

I have determined to obey the Lord.

And upon meditation find

I had decided no to.

The price was too high,

the consequences,

too painful.

I repent and make things all line up,

only to find all the powers of hell,

at work to keep me in the primitive caveman car,

when I should be enjoying the luxury

of peace and joy

purchased for me by Christ.

I confess,

I am a sheep.

It's good that you sent Christ.

There was no other way to save a wretch like me.

So in love with Your Words,

so committed to Your will,

so desiring Your favor,

yet at every turn,

my thoughts deceive me.

Such a cruel paradox.

Who will save me from the wretch that I am.

Father,

cover me.

I sit as coming in from the storm

drenched by the trials of life.

Only Christ's love can warm my soul.

Only His righteousness can make me clean.

Father, it is beyond comprehending

how you (Holy God) could love us.

Does our frailty,

beckon Your power to rescue us

from our foolish ways?

It must.

As sure as the sun has ever shined,

I remember your goodness,

and will declare: I will dance

in the warmth of your love again.

In every difficult season,

cause me to believe

all I know to be true,

until I feel it in my core.

Until all shameful vows have been undone,

and I am like Christ,

in my ways as well as my thoughts.

In the deepest part of me.

Father I am Yours.

Make me whole.

Help me to believe

until I see.

Help me to walk right

when all is unclear.

Help me to enjoy the freedom and peace

that are my birthright,

until all is truly well,

and visibly so.

I ask this (shamefully)

for my comfort,

but truly also,

for Your glory,

which You so richly deserve.

Amen