In the year 2013.

Looking back
searching for the
monuments of victory,
and the spoils
of wisdom
(gained from my mistakes).

I found victory in curious places
as this year I've learned:
being real,
honest,
and transparent
is more beneficial in ministry
than trying to be perfect
or hide my flaws.

I've learned
(or rather I'm learning)
not to despise
my weaknesses
God chose to pour His spirit
into clay pots
so that the all surpassing power
would be seen as from God
and not from man.

This year some things
have gotten easier
and other things...
well, harder.
My eye sight,
memory,
and hearing are fading.
But as a result,
I'm less critical
(of myself and others)
I don't remember offenses as long
and I listen less to harsh words.

I lost the 35 lbs I gained last year
and I've battled old temptations
where I had won battles in the past.

I'm convinced I'll be battling my old sin nature
till death rescues me from life
and I'm brought to our loving Lord
and given all my hopes have longed for.

I changed churches this year.
and learned (once again)
My ways are not His ways,
and His ways are better.

I've never liked change,
it's always scared me,
but when it's by God's leading
I find rest more quickly.

This year I was confronted
by the frailty of life
and the staying hand of God
as my grandmother lay dyeing
(in Hospice)
and yet I live.
My daughter and I hit a deer
(on my motorcycle)
and it died,
yet we lived.
And close friends suffered
the loss of their parents
while mine live.

God has a time for us all
and I'm convinced
He has a plan
we will not leave till it's complete
and we need to be about His work
till He returns
or calls us home.

I have spent the better part of a year
not formally teaching,
at times it's been a gift
I've cherished
at times I long for the end of this season
because I miss it so much.

This has been a year of change
I think I've learned
(all the best years are.)
And it's been a year of preparation
as I feel my roots have grown deeper
and my branches reached higher
my heart's grown softer
and my mind's been renewed.

Thanks God for the victories on the horizon
and for the battles
you've kept me through.
And thanks for walking with me
(best of all)
My days are worth living
because you sustain me.

c Kim Damon 2013

Christmas Eve

My kids hate this day.
Waiting gives them a tummy ache,
and makes them a bit stir-crazy.
They see no purpose in it.

I know waiting is hard,
and I'm not fond of waiting myself,
but I see all that needs to be done
and it makes me glad of the last few minutes.

It occurs to me this might be
the key to contentment
while in a time of "not yet".
I want to keep the childlike enthusiasm of
"I can't wait"
and add the wisdom
to be busy
with all that's left to do.

God bless your Celebration
and anticipation,
dear friends!

c Kim Damon 2013

What more can I do?

Have I not surrendered
completely enough?
Have I not repented
unceasingly enough?
Have I not longed for holiness
with enough conviction?

Why do I still see my sin
so clearly?
Why do I still
settle for less than
your good and perfect will?

Tears

God I fear at the end of my life
I'll be able to see
all I could have accomplished for Your glory
or all I would have been,
to bring you honor.

Yet,
all I can do
is surrender
(again)
Repent
(again)
and continue to long
for holiness.
But is that is all I can do?

You
my Almighty God,
You,
can do all things.
What is impossible
with man,
is possible
with You.

So God,
let me add
trust,
to my surrender
that you have indeed taken and cherished
all I have laid at your alter.

Let me add faith
to my repentance,
that You forgive and cleanse me.
that Your grace and mercy are abundant
and free.

And let me add hope
to my longing for holiness,
that others will see past my
sinful self
and see the omnipotent God that chose to reside
in this clay pot.

c Kim Damon 2013

I don't mind the frigged cold outside

I love the snow.
I don't mind the frigged cold outside.
It makes me feel like a survivor.
I love this season
and I feel so blessed with my family and friends.

The list is long
of things that "should be done"
but I just put one foot in front of the other
and do each thing.
I know it wont all get done,
and maybe some important stuff
didn't make the list,
that will get done.
But I feel peace and full of joy.

When I heard the cranky child at the store today,
I just wanted to pick him up and hug him.
I wanted to look him in the eyes
and say "it'll be OK, buddy".
When I heard the angry woman who works for the post office,
I thought of what a hard day she's had
and what a lonely life she must live.
And I ask God to help me,
to be a blessing and to not get cranky (too)
but stay joyful.

Who know's joy may be contagious.
Anyway,
Happy Advent, friends!

c Kim Damon 2013

What does it look like?

I was asking God to help me
      (again)
"Help me see my life
(walking in Your will.)
What does it look like?
Show me, Lord"

I was thinking about
the gifts lent to me,
and asked:
"How do I walk in ministry
(in Your will?)
Lord, what does it look like?"

I was praying about the church
and wishing all the members
would be set free to use their gifts
(according to Your will).
"Father, show us what this looks like."

I was thinking about how the church
appears to the lost
and asked:
"What needs to change,
to walk by Your Spirit?
What does that look like?"

I believe the Father wants us to see
all these things.
I believe Christ came to show us
(what this looks like).

I see glimpses in my imagination
I hear it's beckoning
when I'm moved by someone's love.
I feel it surrounding me
(when I'm with children),
or when I paint,
write,
or teach.
I hear Him speaking to me
and I'm encouraged by His words.

We live in the already won victory of Christ.
Yet, His glory
is veiled by this life,
so we see
only dimly.

What does it look like?
Lord, continue to show me,
show us,
till we are swallowed up
by newness of life,
to live in the light of your glory
and love.

c Kim Damon 2013

Will it be enough?

When I look at
monetary shortfalls
and Christmas looming
with all those I love
and long to give gifts to,
I cant help but wonder:

Will it be enough?

Will they come away from the tree
feeling loved;
like someone who knew them well
sought to bring them incredible joy?

At the same time
I'm challenged by those words
in my faith.
In the eyes of my Father,
with all that He wanted me
to do,
to say,
to not do,
to not say,
(in my obedience),
will it be enough?

As a little girl
someone's sloppy docterine
decribed (for me) a scale
with all my good
on one side
and all my sin
on the other.

"Will my good be more than my bad?"
is what little girl me, wondered.
With my good deeds
cancled out by my sin,
I just don't know...

Will it be enough?

Truth is,
I've been crafting.
It stretches the budget
but it also expresses
what I want heard abundantly:
It says: I adore you.
I have sacrificed for you,
given of myself for you.

I dont want to just give
"enough"
I want to blow my loved ones away
by my love.

And the truth in faith,
is the same.
Christ puts His life on the good side
of that scale
and makes me
good "enough",
but I dont want to be
good enough!

I want the Father
and Jesus
and the Holy Spirit
to know
how much I adore them!

I want to touch
the heart of God,
with my love.

He sits with the broken,
the lonely,
those sick,
and imprisoned,
those in need
(who cant repay).

He lives in a high and holy place
and with those who are broken and contrite,
reviving the spirit of the lowly,
reviving the heart
of those who have been crushed.

So,
as we seek to give
to those whom we love
let us also seek
to lavish our love
on the heart of God,
by loving those in our lives
whom He adores.

For we are God's handiwork
created in Christ Jesus
to do good works,
which God prepared
in advance for us to do.

What benifit is it to you
if you lend to those who can repay you?
Even sinners lend to sinners, 
expecting to be repaid in full.  
But love your enemies, 
do good to them...
Your Father, 
who sees what is done in secret, 
will reward you.

Will it be enough?
No, never...
or yes, always,
but let it be abundantly
more than He would ask
or imagine,
as we give of ourselves
for others.

c Kim Damon 2013

Advent

As we stand in the midst of
the advent season,
perhaps it's best to ask
what this season is all about,
and how we might
grow more holy,
reflect Christ's love more accurately,
and preach the message
(Christ would have us preach)
more faithfully.

Preach (that is)
with our lives
words
and gifts.

So what is advent all about?
I'm not asking what Christmas is about.
Everyone knows
Christmas is about Christ's birth,
or
about pretending a large man
in a red velvet suite
gives gifts
to obedient children.

A time to spend too much money
on gifts for people
we hope will love us
and give gifts to us in return.

A time to correct people when they wish us
a “Happy Holiday”
instead of a “Merry Christmas”.
A time to be lonely and depressed
if any of the hopes and dreams
that danced in your childhood mind
have no chance in sight
of coming true.

I'm not asking what Christmas is all about.
I'm asking what Advent is all about.
The candles,
the wreath,
the scriptures
the prayers
what do they all try
(so consistently)
year after year
to teach us?

Advent is the celebration of an event.
The event is God coming,
to walk the earth.
Coming to walk in our shoes,
coming to feel our pain,
coming to be tempted,
tried,
tested,
convicted,
and killed,
coming to culminate the purchase
of our souls,
by laying down
His perfectly lived life
and then rising
to conquer the grave.

We celebrate
that He came,
and
that He will come again.

This time,
coming to claim His bride
and take her home.
Coming to gather those
who have kept watch for Him,
coming to welcome the chosen
into His kingdom,
and banish the powers of darkness
to hell.

So Advent Candles
(lit one per week)
remind us of the gift of Christ's birth
at just the right time,
and they point to His return.

The prophets foretold
of His coming.
Anna, Simon and 3 wise men watched.

Christ will come again,
And He asks us to watch
and be ready and waiting.

Christ is the light of the world
coming (like the candle)
to dispel the darkness,
to give us sight,
and just as the star
lead the wise men to Christ,
so the candles
bid us,
to seek after Christ our Savior.

Just as the shepherds
on the hillside were invited by angels
to come and worship,
so we,
are invited to seek Him out
and worship
and follow
and rejoice.

So let us
celebrate the event of Christ birth,
and anticipate with excitement
His return
Let us live as Christ lived.
Testify to the Fathers love
and faithfulness
as we serve
others
for the love of our King.

Let us be more holy
that is
more set aside, for God.

Not whisked through this season
with credit cards,
tinsel, and packaging
but focused
on the gift of God.

Telling (like angels)
how He brings peace
to all men
on whom His favor rests.

Let us worship Him
in Spirit and truth
and be set aside
for His use.
Let us reflect Christ,
love more purely
and
not be diluted,
(rendered ineffective)
by materialism
or love of money,
not seeking the gift,
but rather the Giver.

And let us preach
with words,
life,
and
gifts
the message
of our passionately loving,
tenaciously pursuing,
all powerful,
incredibly merciful,
adoring Father,

and tell how
He showed us his great love,
by sending His son
to save our souls,
and show us
His love
and instruct (by example)
how to lay our lives down
for each other.

God bless our celebration of Advent,
with an joyful anticipation of your return.

c Kim Damon 2013

Just lower the bar

When I woke with things that disappoint me swirling around my mind, I quickly found peace with the decision to lower my expectations. I would just give nothing. And I would expect nothing. I found a peace in that thought. I would no longer wish for things because it made me sad to not see there fruition. I got ready for my day and sat down with my coffee to read. As I prayed and spent time with the Lord, something didn't feel right. I had just lowered the bar, for everyone in my life and for myself so I wouldn't be disappointed. I think I even lowered the bar, for God!

I couldn’t help but feel God would not have me expect less, in order to be happy. In fact, I don’t think I expect enough! The bar should be far higher than I set it (for myself, for others and for God). But even as a child I found this little trick worked great; if I expected nothing, I couldn’t be let down. So it felt natural, and it made sense.

Yet, if God wants the bar higher, if He wants to do more, than all I can ask or imagine, then what's the problem? Could this be the right response... to ask the right question? What's the problem!? What stands in the way of God's will? For me, for others, for God. Let's take them one at a time.

For me: If I cant do what I feel God has called me to do, should I just stop trying? Assume I imagined His will (all that I feel he has in store for me)? Or ask: What stands in the way God? Change me, change the atmosphere, teach me. If I just give up, and lower the bar and decide to do nothing, God is not glorified, I'm not full of joy. I stop striving, but there is a pressing in, a preparing for, a responsibility to the gifts He's given me. I must never give up. My feeling like a square peg in a round whole, is not a reason to give up. But to rejoice, He has a plan, I must pursue. Confession, prayer, longing for, surrender and pursuing all bring God glory and are the pathway to His will.

For others: If I lower the expectation for others, I may not be surprised by the result of low response (or no response). But I'm not calling to the things God has placed in them. I'm not seeking all the good, God has in store for them. I'm not hoping for longing for and rooting for the best for them. That brings no glory to God, no benefit to others. It only saves me a temporary impatient disappointment. Instead, I need to hope, for all things. Build up and encourage, while I commit them to the Lord and seek to speak the fit word at the right moment.

For God: If I give up on the things I long for from God, I am no better than the five foolish virgins who fell asleep while they waited on the Lord and had brought no oil to relight their lamps (upon His return). I must be ever ready to walk obediently into the things of God. And continually thankful for the small things at hand while I wait for the big things I perceive on the horizon.

c Kim Damon 2013

Today is Black Friday

This day...it's known for shopping.
The clock starts ticking,
the count down to extravagant giving.

Depressing for the lonely
and poor in spirit.
Greed is never satiated
the lust of the eyes never quelled.

Yet, all of it,
all that I dislike
and all that I dearly love,
can easily distract me
from the gift that started it all.

I have a fear that sneaks up on me,
it's the fear that
I will sit in a heap of wrapping paper
and realize
I missed it!

I didn't prepare my heart
a fresh
with childlike excitement
for the coming
a new
of the Lover of my soul.

Let this season,
with all the glitter
and all the luster
and all the magic,
remind you
of all the unearthly gifts
our King lavishes
on us daily

and let us
with the same
generous heart
be givers
of the love we have received.

God help us not to miss it!
Help us to be those who marvel
and delight
in your abundant love,
shown us best
by your gift
of Christ.

And prepare our hearts
to be a dwelling place
of celebration
for our King.

c Kim Damon 2013

Trials leave me homesick

Trials,
leave me
homesick
for youthful joy,
they give me
longing
for a complete embrace,
and leave me
aching
to feel Abba's favor.

Oh God,
would you heal me.
Like a war torn land,
I'm devastated.
Like one who survived,
but only
just.

Father,
would you move back
the storm clouds
and cause your Son
to replenish the earth?

I'm tired
and alone.
Could you bring me
to the place
of rest?

Alone is fine
I guess,
better than
having to explain
tears I don't fully
understand
and weeping
not the best company
anyway.

Father,
sweep me (so completely) away,
by the waves of your love
that I no longer remember this place;
it's air suffocates me.
I would rather hold my breath
and experience the sea
of Yourself.

Father come sit
with me
as I cry
or send you Spirit
to warm my heart.

Tears in your presence
more satisfying
than earths pleasures
and joy.

If I cant come to you yet,
Would you come to me?

Teach me to see You
all around me
so I wont be so lonely
for you.

Please silence all
that denies you
and surround me
with the reality of your love.

Wrap me up
so completely
in truth,
that I cannot escape
and no fear may enter in.

I'm homesick
for You,
Lord,
my heart's only
resting place.

There is a place
(I believe it's true)
where I could surrender
and be with You.
Father I'm yours
completely,
bring me there,
or join me here.

Your loving mercy
is my only hope.

Turn to me
and have mercy on me,
as you always do
to those who love
your name.

c Kim Damon 2013

Credit where it's due

The truth is
I'm not as good
as some may think,
and I'm not as bad
as I often feel.

I'm teribly broken
yet magicly put
back together.
I'm horribly soiled
yet miraculously
cleansed.

I lean toward sin
yet I'm comitted
to holiness.

I long for purity
yet at times
my thoughts
are sullied.

Who can save me
from the wretch that I am?
Who would want to?

My powerful,
all loving,
all mighty,
Father
(that's who).

I must always
remember my worth
because of His love,
and I must
acknowledge my frailty
and complete reliance
on Him,
to do any good.

Give credit where it's due,
to our wonderful
Councilor,
our amazing
Redeemer,
our Savior
and Friend
Jesus.

I am Yours.

c Kim Damon 2013

2 Timothy 2:15

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
                                         
Truth I love in 2 Timothy:
Remember who you are- Heritage of faith 1:5
Fan into flames- Anointing 1:6
Trust for the unseen longings 1:12
Guard the truth 1:13
Preach the word- Be ready to preach, pray or die 4:2
Keep the faith 4:5-6
                                              
2 Timothy 2:15
Handed down to me by my Great Grandmother who wrote this reference on a birthday card to me when I was 8 years old. I held on to the card because it was beautiful and when I was a young adult I finally looked up the reference.
Study to show yourself approved by God,
There is something unmistakable about someone who studies “the word of truth” and we stand before God as we “do [our] best” and “study” the truth of God, approved, accepted, capable of 4:5 “discharging all the duties of [our] ministry” we have His “seal of approval” as we press in to know the truth of God. But we get a much deeper meaning if we look at the Greek words.
SPOUDAZO is the Greek verb “study” means to  make haste, exert oneself, endeavor, give difference, involves much more than just taking in knowledge, a word used of a workman, meaning to give diligence, endeavor or exert oneself.
PARISTEMI  is Greek for “show” it means to stand beside, to exhibit, proffer, recommend, substantiate.
a worker who does not need to be ashamed
1-The words of others may make us feel inferior,
2-our self doubt may make us feel like an incapable instrument in the hands of the Lord
3-and the devil may sew seeds of doubt in our abilities,
 but when we focus on the Lord by studying His word His truth casts out fear
1:7 For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. So do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord or of me his prisoner. 
Christ saved us on a cross “scorning it's shame”. Do not be ashamed.
Learn truth and rest in it and teach it unashamed. vs. 2:11
SPOUDAZO is used again Greek for “worker” meaning to give diligence, endeavor or exert oneself.
AISCHUNO is Greek for “ashamed”
and who rightly handles the word of truth.
4:2 Preach the word. 2:24 kind to everyone able to teach.
3:16 All scripture is God breathed...teaching rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness. 2:22 flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness.
2:6 The hard working farmer should be the first to receive a share of the crops. Paul calls Timothy an “evangelist” in v. 4:5 as he is to teach and he must first learn the truth and let it bare fruit in his own life.
ORTHOTOMEO is Greek for “rightly handles” or “cutting straight” like ORTHO-straight and tomeo-to cut. KJV                                      
LOGON -word ALETHEIAS -of truth

The thorn in my flesh

I feel the Truth of God
welling up
within me.
I'm painfully bursting
at the seams of my soul
longing to express Truth.

My mouth opens and
Truth pours out
at times to my surprise.

God hold my heart.
It fears man.
I think I'm judged.
I fear once my mouth opens
I talk too much.
I fear the truth is too heavy,
to deep
for casual conversation.
I fear others are angry
with me.

Yet, I cant help speaking
when You well up within me.

God help me
to be obedient.

Help others
whom I might
unintentionally intimidate.
God grant that this package
(of my life and voice)
may not offend
the listener
or bring You
disgrace.

God let me disappear
and let your Word
be heard
and bare fruit
for righteousness
in Your kingdom
for Your glory.

Let me move by Your Spirit
alone
extinguish
any self motivation
(that may creep beyond my view)
and be glorified.

Let this pain
be a reminder
of my constant
reliance on you.

Father guard the doors of my mouth
that I might not sin
and that I would only speak
when You are the author
and motivator
of my words.

And God would you
make a way
for me to
teach.
I miss it so much.
In your time,
by your design.

I surrender
even my longing
to you.

So many tears...

Longing to talk about
my favorite thing.
All of life
I see
through the lens
of faith
and truth.
It is gloriously
glistening
all around
and to express this
is what I long for.

God help me.
Give me permission
to speak.

So many tears.

Show me my place.
Use me Father.

c Kim Damon 2013

Saturday

Saturday,
oh Saturday
I lay this day at your feet,
Lord.
Father,
I turn my face to you
and surrender this day
to your will.

I give you (as well)
all my fleshly desires,
all my selfish motives,
and the sinful longings
that lurk in my heart.
Cleans me
and make my path
straight.

Steer me away from the pitfalls
in this day
and walk with me.
May I make the most
of ever opportunity
and enjoy
Your nearness
today.

I don't doubt,
You have a plan for me
I fear,
I will miss it;
I fear ,
we all miss it,
more often than not,
to our loss,
to the loss of those we love,
to the loss,
of those you are seeking to save.

Father,
please don't let me
miss it.

Tears well to think of grieving
Your Spirit.
My comforter,
my consoler,
my confidant,
and companion,
my guide,
and my joy.

I'm sorry for grieving
the Spirit of God.
Please help me
(in spite of myself)
to honor
what is Honorable
and walk by Your Spirit
not in the flesh
today.

c Kim Damon 2013

My days are numbered
all of them were written
in your book
before one of them
came to be.

Father, there were good works,
         you created me
                     to accomplish
                           (planned before the creation of the world)
                                               for me to do.

Please don't let me miss
a thing.

If I,
by my life,
am missing the mark,
                         change me.
                               Redirect me.
                                         Alter my course.

If I am ineffective,
         by my patterns
                        in this life,
                                  change my life.

Please don't let me
         live an inattentive life,
                   oblivious to Your will,
                                       distracted by
                                                counterfeits.
                                                        When the pearl of grate price
                                                                            awaits
                                                                          my notice.

Oh how many times
I must grieve
Your Spirit.
Father,
I'm sorry.
I give you my will.

Fix my inspiration.
Fix my motives
and motivations.
Fix my heart,
and all that I love.
Fix my focus,
Purify my love

        Search me, O God, and know my heart;
                         test me and know my anxious thoughts.


                                               Teach me to number my days,
                                                          that I may gain a heart of wisdom.


c Kim Damon 2013

Consider Him who suffered at the hands of sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I was baptized when I was 10 by my Grandfather who was a Baptist minister. My theology up to that point had largely been gleaned from a church that sent a bus around to our apartment complex each week, as my parents did not attend church. It was on one of those Sunday visits (when I was 6 or 7 years old.) that I said the “sinner’s prayer” and asked the Creator of all things (my Savior) to come into my heart.

My Grandfather told a joke from the pulpit of 2 and a half lives that had been saved... 2 adults and 1 child you might assume, but (he continued) it was actually 2 children and 1 adult. (as, the child has their entire life to give God and the adult only half a life).

So there I was…giving all my life to God. I wonder now, how I could have been so wise, yet so young.  Thankfully, God took His part in our relationship much more seriously than I, mine.

My parents divorced the year I was baptized and I went to live with my Dad. He was a preacher’s kid, but rebelled long before I was born. When he returned from Vietnam he was not able to smoothly join society and self-medicated with marijuana and whiskey.  He’s been drunk and high every day since 1968.

My Dad was very loving, although strangely controlling with an explosive temper.  He began sharing hard liquor with me when I was about 12 and getting me high around 14. When I was 16 and our personalities clashed, he kicked me out of the house. I quite school and worked 2 jobs to support myself.

I worked the “bar run” as a waitress at the Best Western (7-3). We feed the drunks when the bar closed, so they’d feel better in the morning. My co-worker, Terry, was a bit rough around the edges but very kind, with an inner piece I was drawn to. I learned later that her previous profession was the oldest profession (before she had given her life to Christ.)

I came to work late one day still “tired” from the night before and asked if she had anything to wake me up. Flashing her a condescending look I said “No thanks” to the offer of diet pills. But Terry didn’t judge me. She knew me. She saw right through me, and she prayed for me. After a few months, she invited me to church with her and her girls. I gladly went.

It was a sweet little place. Every one hugged when they entered and the preacher had a beard and played the guitar. For some reason each time he played I began to cry. That never changed the entire time I attended church there. My heart was the Lords and He was melting it. Changing me on the inside. Claiming me as His own.

The time came for me to move, but I brought my Bible with me, as well as all the seeds lovingly planted by the little congregation of Abundant Life Christian Fellowship. The next two years I moved from Idaho to Washington, to Alaska then to Las Vegas and to NY. I didn't have a home town (as a military brat) so when I felt like it was time to go, I would ask “Where now, Lord?” and move. Although my heart belonged to the Lord, my life reflected my lack of parental restrictions. I lived in excess and sinned more at that time than ever before. I read my Bible most every night and heard very clearly two things: The Lord loved me and He was displeased with my sin.

Just after my 18^th birthday, I landed in Watertown, NY. At my first job interview I was smitten with my future boss (and husband). I gave my 2 week notice on our first date and we were married within the year. That was 26 years (and 6 children) ago. I was welcomed into Tim’s large Catholic family as his 13 siblings and their families filled Tim’s side of the Immaculate Conception Church while my Maternal Grandfather gave me away, and my Mom, aunt and brother gave me their support.

After our second child turned 10 months old, we moved to Potsdam, NY so Tim could attend college. I immediately found Koinonia Church (which became my extended family). I grew in my faith, being well feed and discipled in their midst. 

           It’s hard to put so many years into a succinct paragraph form. Hard to talk about hard years and painful choices, yet my story is one of God, his protection, His grace, and His kindness in choosing me.  Out of all the messed up girls in this world, I am still amazed, He chose me. I’m stubborn and rebellious yet He sees me steadfast and tenacious. I’m foolish and week, yet He makes me wise and His power is made perfect in my weakness. I think it’s easy to judge me, I do (all too often). Yet, when I put my eyes back on the Lord, I see I’m loved and His love gives me value. I bare His name, and live to give Him glory. 

           So why did I start with: Consider Him who suffered at the hands of sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart? If I focus on my past and where I've been, I very easily can become either bitter for all I have suffered (at the hands of sinful men) or I feel filthy, unusable, ruined and broken…if I however, consider Him who suffered, I see His grace to walk where I walked. To be tempted every way I was tempted. And to endure, without sin so He could be the pure spotless Lamb taking my punishment.  He also (by what He endured) has sympathy when I call out to Him. Knowing the pain I have suffered and even more, He sits at the right and of the Father and makes intercession for me. 

          Because of the price He paid for me, I have worth. I have been set free. Yet, I live as a bond servant of Christ. Ever living to seek His will and glory in my life, and to make known the riches of His kindness, mercy and love.

Prayer born out of Study in Ephesians

Father,
if you placed all things under Christ's feet
and appointed him to be head over everything,
then he's head of my home,
my work,
my mind,
our government,
our President,
all world leaders,
and my heart.

Father,
you put everything under his feet
and made him the head
for the church,
like,
to benefit the church,
to build her,
to establish her,
to hold her together,
and make her spotless,
redeamed and whole,
beautiful and pure,
with no blemish.

Somehow
when the powers
principalities
and even humans
look at the church,
they will see the fullness of Christ.

This is a mind blowing truth.

So incredible
(in fact)
to be a part of the church,
we may be tempted to be proud
and boast
so thank you for Pauls reminder
that while I was dead in my transgressions and sins
following the ways of this world
and gratifying the cravings of my flesh
instead of giving me your wrath
your great love compelled you
to shower stock piles of mercy
over me.
You made me alive with Christ
though
I had been dead.

Father you've made it clear,
it is by your grace
I have been saved
and raisd up with Christ
In fact
my spot has been saved by Christ
at his table
So that in the future
the abundance and beauty
of your grace
poured out in
the love of Christ
will be fully seen.

I dare not boast.

Ever.

This was not from myself
This was all your doing
your gift to me

Father, I am your handiwork
created in Christ to do
the good work
you planned for me to do.

c Kim Damon 2013

I mean...Wow. Eph. 1:3-11

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It is right to talk about how cool Jesus is.
who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ
He is the One who has given us every one of His benefits.
For he choose us in Him before the creation of the world

When God was brain-storming about all the things He would make, He choose me.
to be holy and blameless in His sight.
He even chose not to knowledge any sin that would existed in me and He set me apart for His use.
In love, He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ
Because of His love He made up His mind in advance to adopt me (a gentile) as His child
along with His chosen people, by the work of Christ on the cross.
In accordance with his pleasure and will

And He did this, because it made Him happy to do it.
to the praise of his glorious grace,

that's why it's right to talk about His powerful, life altering, mind blowing underserved favor.
which he has freely given us in the One he loves

And that favor is give without cost (to us) by the work of Christ (whom God the Father adores.)
In him we have redemption through his blood,
The cost for our salvation was paid in full, with Christ's blood
the forgiveness of sins

Every charge brought against me (for every sin I would commit) has been nullified.
My punishment (my death penalty) was paid in full.
in accordance with the riches of God's grace
The wealth of God (in the commodity of undeserved kindness and favor) did this.
that he lavished on us.
He pours this [undeserved kindness and favor] out on us liberally.
with all wisdom and understanding
He knew what it would take to purchase us and keep us (taking all things against us into consideration).
he made known to us the mystery of his will according to his good pleasure

He even thought it would be cool to tell us about His plan, His desire and work, carried out by Christ.
which he purposed in Christ, to be put into effect when the times reach their fulfillment
At just the right time in creations history
to bring unity to all things in heaven and on earth under Christ.

So that all things ever made would be brought together to serve Christ.
In him we were also chosen,

It's by Christ's sacrifice, the Father picked us.
having been predestined
Picked us before He created the world.
according to the plan of him who works out everything in conformity to the purpose of his will.

because He could and wanted to, so He did.

Face to face

Father,
Your Word says
You desire us to seek your face,
this is the deep cry of my heart,
to have You look at me
and I at You;
to stand with You
face to face.

If I close my eyes
and imagine it,
I feel the love
and complete understanding.
and I could stand there forever,
looking into the deep pools of love
in Your eyes.
I'm captured by Your love
and held fast.
No reason to move
all I ever needed,
ever wanted,
is there,
in your presence.

Maybe after a long time
(of enjoying our togetherness)
we would exchange words,
expressions of love.
Salvation is one big expression of love
but to hear you say it...
would be the pinnacle experience
of all my life.

You Father,
look for those who
worship in Spirit and truth.
Pick me.
Father,
pick me.

You are going to send Jesus
to go get His bride one day,
Oh how I long for that day,
and surrender to your
process of purification
that we may be ready,
without spot or blemish.

I think of how painful it is
when the dross is being burned away...
but oh
         how
               worth it.

When I think about the goal,
the joy set before me,
(of being united with You)
it's enough to endure any hardship.
I go willingly into any trial,
knowing your council
                      and provision
                            and fellowship
                                       go with me.

Just as real as when we stand
face to face,
like reading a love note
over and over
I feel the love,
but only a foretaste
and oh how I long for that day.
Lord let me be found
about your business
upon your return.

Loving
feeding
and caring for
the poor
the broken
the week
and addicted
the imprisoned
and widowed
the orphaned 
and oppressed.

You were pretty clear
about a few things in your Word,
for those who seek your favor,
who seek salvation,
who seek your face,
who worship you
with all their heart,
soul,
mind,
and strength,
we are told to:
love You
and love people.

Not just the loveable ones
You in effect said:
That doesn't count.
Love those who are unlovable
do for those
who cant repay.

So that's it.
Here's life
and all the resources of heaven.

Love God
and love people.
I'll be back soon.
I'm not leaving you as orphans
I will live within you
and even help you.

Oh God,
let me work every day
with Your goal
as my goal.
and when I pause to read your love note
and meditate on days to come...
Fill me with all I need
to will and to do
your good.

Until we stand
face to face.

c Kim Damon 2013

Rest

Praying for a child to nap,
to surrender to rest,
I asked God if I could go there,
to that far away place
of rest,
to the Island of Misfit toys
where all our weaknesses
are merely part of who we are
where we are accepted
and loved
not for our ability
or appearance
which wane and fade and falter
but for something
deeper
something true
and real
something only discovered
when at rest.

Our true self.
Good and pure
untainted
unlabeled
unashamed
and whole.

I want to believe
like a child in Christmas
in fairy tails
but I don't know if I ever did
maybe I only wished it was true
maybe the child with in me
knew
It was out there
somewhere
the good
the pure
the acceptance
the holy
God.
My Maker.
My Defender
and that place
of rest.

I think I may have played there
as a child
when I was alone.
Like something
or Someone
pulled me away
and said:
"Come to me."

Battles ragged around me
and sometimes I heard:
"She's Mine!"
He kept me
even then
knowing one day
I'd be free.

I wonder. Still. Now.
Am I free?
He's still doing this work,
this freeing me.
He set me free, alright
and for freedom sake,
yet,
I manage to yoke myself again
as a slave
to sin.
So He is still
calling me,
still pulling me away
to that place
of freedom,
that place
of rest.

I see it when I close my eyes:
battles fought and won,
we stand on the battle field
with ragged flag
waving in the wind.
A stillness covers the land
scattered foes lay slain
all around,
pride,
envy,
hatred,
and bitterness,
lie in a heap,
no longer able to rule me.

And I rest.
And I'm free.
And the sun shines down.
And I know God's favor.
And I rest.

c Kim Damon 2013

Everything Else

Since he did not spare even his own Son

but gave him up for us all,

won’t he also give us everything else?

I so-pose some may use this for

Prosperity preaching…

To assure us

Of all our dreams

Our wealth

And, well…

Prosperity.

But when I read this,

I feel my Fathers hand

on my shoulder.

I feel His reassurance.

Reassurance…

Funny, cause He already assured me

But now,

He reassures me…

He will give me all I need

“everything”!

Emotional support

When I’m low,

Encouragement

When I cant hear the truth,

Comfort

When I’m grieving,

Steadying when I falter

And my footing feels weak.

Hope when I look down,

So much more to see

Then I focus on

at times.

I haven’t missed out.

I lack nothing.

I’m not a victim.

I haven’t got second best.

Since he did not spare even his own Son

but gave him up for us all,

won’t he also give us everything else?

There is no good thing I lack.

If I wanted it

And don’t have it

I have better

The One who gave me life

And created the ability

To feel joy and peace

Said he would give me everything

If there’s something more than everything,

I don’t want it.

Thank you

Father

Thank you

c Kim Damon 2013