God loves you

I asked God what I could write
that would be encouraging.
Say: "God loves you".
I said, that sounds kinda corny
and some might think I'm crazy....
Crazy, not because it's not true,
but because I asked God something like that,
and He answered
and I heard Him
and I obeyed and wrote it down.
Some might think it's too simple,
God would give a deeper message.
But, the Bible mentions love 348 times.
so it must be important to God.
What if all the rules
were just to protect you from hurting yourself
and others?
What if He only said not to do something,
because it leads to bondage and pain
and He loves you and wants you to live in freedom.
He did say the most important rule
was to love God and love people.
That could be because He wanted us to love him back.
and stop hurting others
(because he loves them).
God loves you!
Seems simple,
but it pretty much sums up the Bible.
And Christianity.

For some, the worst thing about Christianity is Christians

I've been meaning to write this for a while, so here goes:
The most offensive thing about Christianity (for those who do not believe in God) is Christians. May I just say "I'm sorry". For everyone of us who (by our own failings) have turned you away from God, I'm sorry. Some times we do stupid things, spontaneously or foolishly and if it's harmful to others, selfish, arrogant or not loving, it's sin (plane and simple).

Sometimes Christians feel everything they do and say, mus...t be right and must be from God, because they follow God or they follow someone who follows God. But the truth is, all we humans, make mistakes. If you read the Bible, and see how Jesus behaved and if you study His behavior, and model your life after it (Christ follower) you will behave in a humble, loving manner. Yes, there are a few times Jesus behaved angry or called someone out who was in sin, but He was most always addressing Church-goers.

I'm not writing this because I'm angry at anyone, I have no ax to grind. And I love the Church (sinners and saints alike). I'm writing because God has given me such peace and joy, I wish to share it with those who have walked away from God, because of the behavior of His followers.

We don't get any points (in heaven) for telling folks about God. We (at our best) tell about God's goodness for the same reason the angels told the shepherds about Christ's birth. The angels came to the shepherds because it was cold outside and very dark and the shepherds were considered low class (in society) because of their dirty job, so the angels wanted to tell them "good news", that unto them a child was born, who is Christ the Lord. They told how He had come to bring them peace and great joy! Those lowly shepherds were invited to come and behold the Child who was born King! The invitation was not brought to the wealthy town folk, it was brought to those who sit outside at night and look at the sky, and ponder "what's it all about and why am I here?"

God bless your celebration of Christ's birth. And may you find great peace and joy!

Light of the World

Light of the World

Darkness covered the Earth,

Darkness that can be felt,

Deep darkness

God said”

“Let there be light”

And a baby took His first breath

In Bethlehem

The brilliant

Luminescence

Was breath-taking

The people walking in darkness

Saw a great light;

On those living in the land

Of the shadow of death

A light had dawned.

And God said:

“It is good.”

Epic news

Brought to humble shepherds

In the night

A great company of heavenly host

Announced:

Glory to God in the highest

And on earth, Peace

To men on whom his favor rests

The unfathomable delight that somehow

God favored men

who sit on the ground

In the darkness

And smell of animals,

Low birth,

Low cast,

Low income,

Yet this is how Christ came.

Born then resting in the hay,

The smell of animals in the air.

Equality with God

He did not grasp,

But born to the lowly,

In their neighborhood,

Visited first by the homeless.  

The first Christmas trappings…

A birth by lantern light

A bright star in the night

The radiance from a Baby’s face

Angels singing

Animals in awe

Humans in awe

God is with us

 

c. Kim Damon 2009

The Last Hour

At the last hour,
at the darkest moment,
at the point of giving up all hope,
God does many of His miracles
(at least in my life).

It's as if I have  learned
(by this)
"No...it's not dark enough yet."
"No...it's not hopeless enough yet."

God's timing is perfect.
Although,
we'd like Him to be early.
If God were early,
we could worry less.
If God was early,
we would need less faith.

So if God is all about growing our faith,
and God IS all about growing our faith,
I guess the last hour is the perfect time,
and I need to trust Him.
He has never let me down.
He is never late.

Think about it!

Even in scripture when Martha accused Jesus of being late:
"Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died."
and he encouraged her but then Mary accused Him of being late:
"Lord, if You had been here, my brother would not have died.
Jesus was deeply troubled at their pain and moved in His Spirit
and He wept!
Even the crowd accused Him of being late:
"Could not this man, who opened the eyes of the blind man,
have kept this man also from dying?"
Jesus said to Mary,
"Did I not say to you that if you believe,
you will see the glory of God?"
And at the perfect time,
He raised Lazarus from the dead!

So in my accusing moments,
I need to look for the resurrection moment!
The God being glorified moment.
I need to look for it with hope and expectation,
 and trust the miracle will come.
And God will move in power
and work miracles of goodness
in all my trials,
to His glory
and for my good.
Because He is loving
and good
and all powerful
and on time.

Peace and Hope Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, yep, the scripture starts with a "therefore"(it's there because previously in the book of Romans it speaks of our being saved by grace and not by obedience to the law).

Therefore,
since we have been justified through faith,
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,

Having "peace with God" is a precious thing. It's more secure than it ever feels. It's deeper then we ever expect, it's not based on our performance or our effort, it's based on the work of Christ and the faithful love of the Father (which is also more secure than we can comprehend, but we benefit when we try!). So we have this "peace with God" because of our faith in the sanctifying work of Christ.

In any relationship (on earth) we relate to people according to the "peace" we have with them. So if in your marriage all is well and good, when they walk in the room, you may turn to them and make eye contact and smile, perhaps you express a pleasant greeting, or you just give them your attention, because love compels you to do so. If (however) things are not so good when the person walks in the room, you may keep your back turned (even if spoken to). You may pretend you didn't realize they were there, or the dishes may be so interesting and so urgent that you must keep your attention focused on them.
I think most of us are on the surface "fine" in our relationship with God when we start out. Like we believe God is on our side when we get saved, the conflict arises later (after the honeymoon is over and we see how sinful we still are). We feel God is not for us, that He disapproves of us. I was raised by my dad (a Scottish sailor) who was very harsh. He was loving, but his temper was horrible and his words were brutal. Sometimes he'd pin me against the wall with a fist held back and yell in my face how he wished I was a man (so he could punch me). As a 12-14 year old girl, I was learning somethings about what a father was. Things not helpful in my future relationship with God. My parents were divorced and my mom married a big strong loving man one winter while I was away and when I went to live with her the summer of my 14th year, my Mom, and my brother and I all learned how abusive he was. As he broke a solid wood door down to get to my brother and put him through a wall, my brother cried for little girl me to come help him. As he pinned my mother on the floor yelling and hitting her, she cried for the little girl me to help her. I was 14 and very small. My 110lb frame was no match for the 6'2, 250lb man, I learned things about what a father figure was.
So when I was saved, I felt connected with Jesus (my Savior) I felt close to the Holy Spirit (who wrapped around me and comforted me). But the Father...I did not feel peace (even at the beginning) with the Father. I think at first it was easiest to ignore the distance I felt, but God pursued me. He wanted to bring healing. He wanted me to experience the freedom Christ had died for me to walk in. He wanted me to have "peace with God" and as long as the lies I had learned as a child, about masculine power, about male dominance, about fathers using their position to control, manipulate, beat down and hold there, I would not be free. It was for freedom that Christ has set me free, and God wants me to live in that freedom. So he redefined what a Father is for me. He's actually still teaching me, still resetting my mind when I loose peace and don't feel connected to Him. God is so kind, so committed to my good that He would do this.
So that's our peace with God, it's bigger and more real than the earthly peace we have with others. And we are given this peace and kept in peace because of our faith in Christ but then our text goes on to say:

through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand.

Now Tim and I over the summer go to music festivals to provide drums and sometimes lights to the musicians. In order to do what we do, we are given "Full Access Passes". We have a collection of 20 or more at the shop of these necklaces, with the venue written on it. Some of these give us more benefits than others, depending on how generous the hosts are, but the bottom line is, we can go anywhere. No place is blocked to us. One of our favorite festivals is the Chenango Blues Fest. They spoil us rotten and treat us as royalty. Beautifully catered meals, a camper to rest in during the day or just to get out of the sun and a port-a-potty that's air condition that smells nice and has running water with peaceful music playing. With our passes we get all the wine and beer we'd like free and the ability to even stand on stage with the artists to take pictures or fix their equipment or what ever we'd like. We are trusted and approved and nothing is withheld from us. We are given the same honor given to the rock stars, we are honored, because of these passes. If I'd like a table, or a chair or a table cloth, I just ask and one of the hundred volunteers runs and get's it for me. This is full access!
Now what a beautiful thought it is to carry this picture in my mind when I read "we have gained access by faith into this grace". So just as at the festival, I gain access (to the good stuff) with the lanyard, faith gives me access to the goodness of God's grace. There are thousands of people who come to the roped off areas at the festivals we attend and they are greeted by the security guards who stop them and will not allow their entrance, where we have just walked. And in the world there are billions upon billions who do not have the peace with God or the grace which we have been given the honor to now stand. We get behind the gate, we get to approach the throne of grace with full confidence, and boldness, because of what Christ has done, because we trust Him, He has covered us, and we enter into His peace and receive His grace and by Christ, we stand. We are actually given all the honor and benefits of a son or daughter of God.
Now my Bible titles this section "Peace and Hope". So if you're going to long for something and go to the drug store of God's Word looking for the medicine you need, if stress and hopelessness are what ales you, I'd say go down the isle marked "peace and Hope" and in the book of Romans in chapter 5 verses 1-11 you will find the truth you need to be healed. So we walk boldly into grace and stand there with the benefit "full access" brings (by faith in Christ), but what of this thing called hope? What is it and what will it do for us?
First let me say in some of our travels, Tim and I have had not so generous or thoughtful of stage management. And our "all access passes" got us cold pizza and blocked off when the "stars" arrived. Our drums were actually put outside and we were only allowed to collect them after the "stars" had left! So when the Lord asks us to trust Him, He is well aware of those who have enlisted our labor, our attention and loyalty, in the past. Listen to the heart of God at Christ's invitation: Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am humble and gentle and you will find rest for your souls. This is the heart of the One whom we have peace with. This is the heart of the One in who's grace we now stand. This is the heart of the One in whom we hope. I love the way the New American Standard words the next part: Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory. This is the "hope" part (we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory). This is all good news (especially if you're having a hard day). Remember the drug store analogy? If you're looking for truth to heal and undo a lie that causing you stress or giving you hopelessness, listen to this: We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. So that's it. We feel the love of God in our heart (by His Holy Spirit) and we know it's all good! We are safe. The worst wont overtake us. We are not abandoned, we are not overpowered, we are not used and then held at arms length, we stand in God's grace, experience His favor and know His peace and have the confident hope of all the good He's working out of our hard stuff. And we will not be embarrassed by the hope of all the good we see in our imagination, because in our heart, we feel God's love with us. That is reason for hope. This is a reason for peace.

Because it's true

He knit me together in my mothers womb
He will not abandon me.

He told the Father He would not loose any
who had been given to Him.
He will not let the enemy steel me away.

He said He would never leave me or forsake me.
He will not abandon me or turn His back on me.

He said I have a hope and a future.
The days to come are not without joy or without purpose.

He said nothing could separate me from His love.
He dose not despise me.

He said He will finish what He started in me.
I will not be abandoned to decay,
I will be made holy.

He said the Father loved me so much He sent Christ to die for me.
He invested His most loved thing to bring me good.
So I have worth.

He thinks about me and says my name.
I am not wandering aimlessly
separated from His affection and attention.

He said if I come to Him He will not turn me away.
I do not need to fear His rejection.

He said if I come to Him He will come to me.
I do not pray in vain.

He said His Word would not return to Him in vain.
His Word invested in me, will change me.

He said He was standing at the door of my heart,
waiting for me to open it.
He comes to me.

He said He works all things out for my good.
I do not need to embrace "the worst case scenario"
in order to not be disappointed.

He said I have a hope and a future.
I can hope.

He died to set me free.
His truth sets me free
He set me free so I would live free.
There is not no condemnation for those whom Christ has set free.
I can walk free.

c. Kim Damon 11/14

I Choose Hope

Is hope harder than worry?
Is it easier to imagine the worst

and let it torment you?
Or is the fear of being disappointed
keeping me from hope;
from imagining God
bringing about my good?

God rescue me from the despair of fears.
Birth hope.
I believe you desire me to hope.

Forgive me for preferring
to make peace with poverty
rather than to hope for prosperity.
It's not the abundance of money I long for.
It's the lavish
abundant joy in your presence.
That is wealth
and that is what I long for.
Hope                                                                              
God I choose hope.                                                        
All my hope is in you.
Right now, I surrender
my imagination to your will.
I purpose to hope.
To pray and believe
you are a rewarder
of those who diligently seek you.
c. Kim Damon 2014

Photo credit: Created by Kris Rozelle
FREE 2.14.15 Photomontage digital collage
What it would look like to be free from all

The Fear of Man

The fear of man,
sounds like a little girl
who has been the victim of abuse,
who carries that understanding
that the male gender may use their greater strength
(or power),
to cause harm.
Yes...
There is that,
to a degree.
It shows up in my pride,
resisting submission and trust
(two very beautiful things).
God bring healing.

The fear of man
(in Christianese)
could be defined: loving the praise of men
more than the praise of God.
But that sounds harsh,
I see it's form in longing for approval,
in fearing rejection,
which leads to self loathing and isolation.
Only God can bring hope for healing in this area.
The only hope for healing in this many tentacled area,
is God. Only God.

As a child I loved to sit outside at night
and look at the stars.
Best of all was to laydown on the hood of a car
and let my full peripheral be filled
with as much of the sky as I could drink in.
Truth is, in it's vastness,
I felt so small,
but so safe.

God is like that.
When I focus on Him so completely
that he fills up all my view,
the condemning voices
the controlling actions,
the harsh judgments,
all fade away;
they loose the power to wound
or effect me at all.
Only God and His beauty,
His glory
and His love
have any part with me.
He wraps me up and carries me away
to His presence.
Oh to linger there.
In the safety and love.
No fear of man in His presence.
If the thought of anyone enters the unity of God and I
they are seen in love,
they are weighed and valued and hoped for
all with the measure of love
and then, they are released.

God let me live there.
Let me go so often,
that my thought processing is changed.
That my view of others is changed
that their impact on me
(if any)
is changed.

Oh, God,
you are beautiful
and glorious
and so worthy of praise.

Daughter, when you come away into my presence and set aside time to be with me and set aside thoughts of others to hear my voice it heals you. Come often. There are many wounds to heal. My truth is the penetrating salve to sooth your fractured bones and grieving soul. Let my truth be applied to your life, to your history, to your present, to your hopes and you will walk by the Spirit and you will live in peace. My word will banish the lies spoken over you and pronounced over you in childhood, so many lies need an abundance of truth to break though. Each new healing opens a door to new bondage and more healing. This is why you feel victorious and then held back it's all part of the journey. Be true to the Word. Let it live in you and work in you. Surrender often (your wounds) and I will cleanse and heal. Each scar is a testimony of our journey together each a witness to our love (Father to daughter).

Protection is yours,
Healing yours,
My Word yours
freedom yours.
Tell of the wonders of my Truth
(in setting you free)
tell often.
Speak and write of valleys of despair
and the mountains of faith
(that give you perspective over them)
just as Caleb said "yes,
the giants are big, but God is bigger"
this is your testimony.
Speak it well.

Listen diligently to me,
eat what is good,
and delight yourself in rich food.
Incline your ear and come to me;
hear that your soul may live;
and I will make with an everlasting covenant,
my steadfast, sure love for David.
Isaiah 55:2-3

It's all true

The law of the Lord is perfect,
reviving the soul;
the testimony of the Lord is sure,
making wise the simple.
the precepts of the Lord are right,
rejoicing the heart,
the commandment of the Lord is pure,
enlightening the eyes.

For it is you who light my lamp;
the lord my God lightens my darkness.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He restores my soul.
The friendship of the Lord is for those who fear him,
and he makes know to them his covenant.

The Lord is my light and my salvation
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
of whom shall I be afraid?
I will rejoice and be glad in your steadfast love,
because you have seen my affliction;
you have known the distresses of my soul,
and you have not delivered me into the hands of the enemy;
you have set my feet in a broad place.

Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the Lord.
By the word of the Lord
the heavens were made,
and by the breath of his mouth all their host.

...let all the inhabitants of the world stand in awe of him!
For he spoke, and it came to be;
he commanded, and it stood firm.

I cant even pray big enough
to match the good plans you have, God.
I want all your wants.
I want all your will.
I surrender to your plan.
Make me think right.
Help me act right.
Help me hear right.
To walk in the way of your will.
I completely trust your love.
I completely trust your will
for my life and the life of those I love.
Amen

I feel like your promises
and acts of love for my salvation
were all written and I believe them all
and you currently work on my behalf.

I have learned to trust you,
but I long for your warm embrace
to pull me closer when I respond to your kindness
mercy and love.
It adds the pinnacle of love
the cherry on top of the cake of our perfect story of love
and I believe it's a good longing
so it must have come from you
the lover of my soul.

God please come to me and make me whole.
I surrender to you and seek your face.

It's all true

Do you ever have moments
when you think of all the bad stuff about yourself?

Yay, it's all true.

Do you ever have moments
when you think of all the bad stuff about someone else?

Could be all true.

Then there's God.
What He said.
What He did.
The effect that has on your bad stuff.
The effect that has on all their bad stuff.
 And then there's a new truth added to the story.
The truth about what God said and did
is bigger and more powerful than all the other true stuff.

So now,
we don't have to look at all the bad stuff about ourselves
and feel hopeless,
we don't have to look at all the bad stuff in someone else
and feel hopeless,
because God changes everything.

The trouble is...It's all true. But if you don't focus on the God effect,
you may just focus on the bad true stuff
and that's pretty depressing.

If God can forgive your garbage (and it's true, He will if you ask)
Then God also can forgive all someone else's garbage (and He will if they ask).
And if God does not hold stuff against us, then we should not hold stuff against others.

It's all true.
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

A confession about healing and prosperity

 

Focus on Truth

to be alive and well in Christ.

Abba

I trust You
even with my health.

~Is this prosperity preaching?

Be joyful

and not downcast.

God's hands are working out

His will in me.
He's committed to completing me.

All His strength

is for
all my weaknesses.

He will protect me

in His wrath
because I take refuge in him.

God allows me to choose

between good and evil
and is rooting for me to choose Him.
And He will help me choose well.

God heals when it's best.

God prospers us
when it's best.
Even hardship is sweet
when gone through
with the fellowship of Christ.

God is with us.

God is merciful and powerful and just
and does not bring our pain
but will help us through it
or heal us in it.

He will heal me totally

One day.

He makes me rich

even in poverty,
well,
even in sickness
strong
even in my weaknesses.

When Abba is near,

I am safe.
Therefor I take refuge in Him.

He is in pain with us.

He endured pain
to know what we endure
and to set us free from the bondage
and penalty of sin
and by His obedience (in this)
was made perfect.

I lack no good thing

in Christ.
This is what it means to be healed
this is what it means to prosper.

I am grateful for all of this life

whatever comes
(good or bad)
because His love causes me to triumph
and I'm redeemed.

I am part of Christ.

I died with Him suffered with Him
and am raised with Him.

God has given us good boundaries.

Stay safely within them
for the best life possible
on this sin filled earth.

Our days are full (no matter how many they be)

when we are in Christ.
~this was in answer to those righteous, godly men
living more than a hundred years. My niece who live one week
had a full life, as she brought her parents both to Christ, by her
death. Her life was full, and in the will of God in her one week.

We will delight

even in trial when we have fellowship with the Lord.

Having said all this,

(repeating the whispers the Father
spoke to my heart)
in reading between the lines.

I fully believe we lack complete faith.

I fully believe God wants us to know
His desire for us to be healed
and free from pain.

This is why He told Adam and Eve

to avoid the fruit.
This is why He made a way
to redeem us from that choice.

I still believe We need to ask (in faith)

for impossible things,
and that we don't do it often enough.
And I believe we need to trust
God,
that when He heals,
it's because it would do the most good,
and when he does not,
it was not for lack of faith,
but rather,
because it would do the most good.

I trust His love born will.

I trust His goodness.
I trust His Word.
I only do this,
by the provision of faith
He has given me,
So even in these things,
I give Him glory.

Ambivalence

Ambivalence.

It looks a little like surrender,
but it's not.

It's an evil twin.

When I surrender (a painful struggle)

to God,

I'm trusting Him to bring about His will.

I'm ready to walk where He leads.

When I (instead) am hurt by

something,

I'm tempted to stop caring about it.

Choosing to be cold
and unfeeling
and even uncaring about it.

I want to keep my heart engaged.

I'm also wanting to surrender
and come under God's protection.
His covering (for my heart).
I don't want to close my heart down
and just not care.

God protect me from ambivalence.

Help me to think right
interpret, right
process, right
and bring You glory.

Only by Your strength.

Only in Your will,

I surrender.

How do you (yes, you the reader) feel about this?
I'd love to know.

What would you do?

If you somehow woke this morning
to find it was Christmas Eve
What would you do?

Would you scramble around to do the things
you felt should be done
(on your last day)?

Would you make a list of the most important things
and systematically do them one by one?

Would you be so discouraged by all you should do
that you decide to do nothing?

I have a hope
a longing
a future vision
for things that will happen.
They're not happening today.
Because today is a day of preparation.
In fact all the days before...
are days to prepare.

Jeremiah prophesied:
"For I know the plans I have for you,”
says the Lord.
“They are plans for good and not for disaster,
to give you a future and a hope."

I heard these Words this morning,
along with:
What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who can be against us?
He who did not spare his own Son
but gave him up for us all,
how will he not also with him
graciously give us all things?

And in my heart I knew,
all the days that precede what I see,
are days filled with purpose
days filled with work,
prepared for me before the creation of all things.

I need to be about all the things
that would naturally come before
the things in the future.
As surely as Christmas is coming,
and there is much that must be done.

The things I see, are coming,
and there is much to be done.
These things are... And I must...

Hope

Hope.
It's just a word.
You might hope
you have a nice day
(free from pain or trial)
or you might hope
you do well on a test,
or hope you get a good job.
But.
If you put your "hope"
in a power greater than you,
committed to you
and to your benefit
then it's not just a word,
it's a game plan
it's a future fact
it's a forecast
a foretelling
a thing that puts your mind to rest.
It wont matter if you get the job
or pass the test
or have a hard day,
All is well
because you have faith,
we are sure of what we hope for
and hope dose not disappoint
because the love of God
has been poured out within our hearts
through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Therefor the righteous live by faith.
Believing what we hope for.
So we can pray like Habakkuk prayed:
Though the fig tree should not blossom
And there be no fruit on the vines,
Though the yield of the olive should fail
And the fields produce no food,
Though the flock should be cut off from the fold
And there be no cattle in the stalls,
Yet I will exult in the LORD,
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation...
It's the reassuring Voice
of One who has traveled the path before us
saying:
"Hang in there,
you're doing great,
and you're almost home."

A Cruel Paradox

Father,

there is a gap between what I believe

and how I think.

It's as if I start out riding in a Ferrari

only to wake,

finding myself running

in a Barney Rubble car,

with sore feet.

How can I live so differently

than all my resolve commands.

How do I sell myself short so consistently?

I have determined to obey the Lord.

And upon meditation find

I had decided no to.

The price was too high,

the consequences,

too painful.

I repent and make things all line up,

only to find all the powers of hell,

at work to keep me in the primitive caveman car,

when I should be enjoying the luxury

of peace and joy

purchased for me by Christ.

I confess,

I am a sheep.

It's good that you sent Christ.

There was no other way to save a wretch like me.

So in love with Your Words,

so committed to Your will,

so desiring Your favor,

yet at every turn,

my thoughts deceive me.

Such a cruel paradox.

Who will save me from the wretch that I am.

Father,

cover me.

I sit as coming in from the storm

drenched by the trials of life.

Only Christ's love can warm my soul.

Only His righteousness can make me clean.

Father, it is beyond comprehending

how you (Holy God) could love us.

Does our frailty,

beckon Your power to rescue us

from our foolish ways?

It must.

As sure as the sun has ever shined,

I remember your goodness,

and will declare: I will dance

in the warmth of your love again.

In every difficult season,

cause me to believe

all I know to be true,

until I feel it in my core.

Until all shameful vows have been undone,

and I am like Christ,

in my ways as well as my thoughts.

In the deepest part of me.

Father I am Yours.

Make me whole.

Help me to believe

until I see.

Help me to walk right

when all is unclear.

Help me to enjoy the freedom and peace

that are my birthright,

until all is truly well,

and visibly so.

I ask this (shamefully)

for my comfort,

but truly also,

for Your glory,

which You so richly deserve.

Amen

I declare ~Words have power

To follow, you will find my paraphrase
to scriptures from the book of Proverbs,
on the topic of "words".

If I am carful with my words and my tone
I will save myself and others from deep pain.                           Pr. 21:23

If negative thoughts taint my love I'm incredibly sad,
but when truth is spoken, my heart and mind are full of joy     Pr. 12:25

The words I speak are of great value.
The unbeliever's thoughts and attitudes are messed up.
It's important to speak well,
because words are food to nourish those who listen.
Those who feel "sinful ways" are best,
will starve without truth.                                                            Pr. 10:20-21

The enemy's words pierce and cut and wound
but godly words heal and build up.
Those who feel "sinful ways" are best,
speak words that tear down,
and those words bind him to hell.                                              Pr. 18:7

Our words come from deep in our being
and effect our countenance and actions.
We must choose well, for by them, we live
or die.                                                                                        
And many will follow, in the direction you choose.                 Pr. 18:20-21

A mature person's words will nourish him,
but the person who does not follow God
will be nourished by hatred.
So the mature person chooses his words carefully,
and there by chooses his life with care.
but the one who speaks often and with out care
will come to ruin and die.                                                          Pr. 13:2-3

The person who lives apart from God,
seals his fate with his words.
But those who trust the Lord, will be saved in trials.
What we say sprouts to life and gives us peace
and what we do will come back
and be done to us.                                                                       Pr. 12:13-14

Kind, helpful, joyful words
are rare and make one full of peace and joy to their core.         Pr. 16:24

You know the good you aught to say,
and those who are evil know the bad they aught to say.           Pr. 10:32

If someone who loves God asks God to,
He will cause good to happen in their area,
But an evil person can come and tear the good down
by what he says.                                                                         Pr. 11:11

People who know God (well)
give what they know away,
but you are unwise
if you keep silent about God's goodness.                                   Pr. 15:7

The one who speaks wise words about God,
feeds many and they are saved,
but if their words become darkened,
many will be harmed.                                                                Pr. 15:4

My chat with God about Romans 5:3-4

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, 
But what kind of crazy person, rejoices in the face of a trial?
for we know that they help us develop endurance. 
I think edurance, is admirable, 
but will it quentch my fear and apprehension
enough to bring me joy when I'm suffering?
And I want endurance,
but do I have to endure to get it?
And endurance develops strength of character, 
My character feels like a fragil little girl.
Will this trial hold the gift of tenacious fortitude?
and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
If it means I will become sure of what I hope for,
this trial is not worth comparing 
with the all surpassing joy set before me,
of being united with the Lord,
and for this reason,
Christ took hold of me,
so I rejoice, when I run into problems and trials.

What do you believe?

He who began a good work in you
is not a quitter.
He who gave up his own Son for us all,
is not stingy.
He who is without sin,
did not through a stone.
He who holds all things together,
will not let go.
He who created the Light,
is not afraid of the dark.
He who is Truth,
does not lie.
He who returned to the Father,
did not leave us as orphans.
And He who so loved the world,
is not against me.

Therefore,
I will be saved.
I will be provided for.
I will be forgiven.
I will be held fast.
I will be protected from darkness.
I will believe all His promises.
I will walk by the Spirit.
I will trust Him.

Surrender!

Surrender!

Sounds easy right?

Sounds wrong, right?

But surrendering can be

the hardest, best thing

we do.

When I find my struggle is

to do things my way,

or see things worked out, my way,

or praying for the things (in my mind),

(instead of giving up,)

and asking God to do,

whatever He feels is best.

Whatever He wants done,

is better than what I want done!

It's time to give up,

it's time to say, not my will,

but Yours oh Lord.

I want Your will.

I want my efforts and my prayers

and my commitment to be

seeing Your will done.

I give up (on getting things my way!)

I surrender to Your way,

God have Your way

in my heart and mind and soul and life,

I surrender it all to You.

In my family, work, relationships and future,

have Your way!

Thank you, God

for Your loving commitment to me,

for being the Author

and the Finisher of my faith,

for being faithful to all I commit to You.

Amen

If you could change one thing about this day

If you could change one thing
about this day
(the one you are about to walk into)
to make it really spectacular,
it should not be your shoes
or your clothes.

Don't get me wrong,
I love nice clothes
and a well put together look,
But if you want a really great day,
you need to change your mind.

What you think,
what you believe
will determine your outlook
on all that happens to you
and around you.

For instance,
If you believe you are entitled to
good things,
when they come, gratitude will allude you
(because you deserved them!)
If bad things come, you'll be bitter
because you will feel ripped off,
when you should have had better!

But if you go (instead) into this day
with a feeling of expectancy
(of the goodness of God)
(and secure in the love of God)
knowing He has your back,
and will work all things out for your good,
anything can happen,
and you will remain secure.

You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.

All my good ideas...

I've had some really good ideas
throughout the years.
I mean tons,
of really, really
good ideas.

It's actually kinda shocking
how many I've had.
Like, it even surprises me.

Literally!
I go back sometimes
and reread from a journal
or something will sparks a memory
and I'll look it up on my blog,
and I'm amazed
at the really good stuff there.

And the coolest thing...
the thing that brings me to tears
to even acknowledge is,

all my good ideas
come from God.

The Creator of all things,
whispers to me.
He shows me pictures
He inspires me.

He takes the broken pieces of my life
and my mind
the confused
the distorted
the unholy,

the sorrowful
the selfish
and the sinful,

and somehow,

He rearranges me,
and makes me
a temple
that He will dwell in.

He not only fills me
(which is so incredible)
He makes me a light on a hill
a light house
on a storm tossed sea.

Those waves scare me sometimes.
At times they hurt me
and mach my stability.

But I am built on a rock
and filled with such radiant light.
I am warmed,
my fears,
subside
and I'm sustained.

I have had some really great ideas
in my life.

But just as the sand that formed the bricks
of the light house,
are due no credit
for the light it emits,
I humbly stand in awe,
at the glory of the Lord.
At His mercy and favor
at His kindness and splendor.

God,
make me a channel of your peace,
change me by your peace.
And help me to be faithful
in bringing you glory,
at letting you shine.

Please don't ever let me be embarrassed
by how completely unable to hide your light,
I am.
Please don't let me
want to.

Your Light is shocking
even to me,
it's shocking to the darkness.
At times I want to hide.
But there you are,
bursting at the seams unable to be contained!

I see you in the children
I hear you in kind words of strangers.
God I need you
and you call me higher
and you grow me deeper
and you somehow
make me whole
and you sustain me.

Thank you
Thank you
Thank you!

The keeper of my heart

Are you ever afraid of being put in a situation

that you have sinned in (many times before)?

I am.

...and “lead me not into temptation”

just fails to fully plead my case.

I have to walk there,

God, come with me.

Let me be more than protected from the desire to sin,

Let me be useful in your plan.

Let me do the good things you desired me to be about,

when you were planning my days,

writing them in your book,

before one of them came to be.

Could I be more important than I feel?

Could I have identity, value, and worth

in your plan,

beyond what my shortsighted expectations anticipate?

My sort-sighted expectations

see me sinning

or trying so hard not to

that I'm distracted and miserable

no fun to be around.

I know Jesus never sinned,

but did he ever want to?

Was it ever hard, not to?

I put a fake smile on the other day.

I wasn't trying to fake it,

well, yes I was,

but I was doing hard stuff,

not physically,

but hard on my pride.

I became aware that my mood was displayed on my face.

And that I may unintentionally harm those around me

by pulling them down.

Or worse,

I may cause them to react to me, in a like manner

(miserably) which I couldn't bare,

so I pushed the sides of my mouth up

in the shape I know forms a smile

(wrestling and grieving still in my heart)

and looked up to find the person I wanted most

to see my smile in front of me.

This is my battle.

God where is the place to run and cry,

yell, sob, and be week

(without causing someone else to stumble)?

My world is so peopled,

my time so accounted for,

there is often no place to steel away to.

God help me.

God help me.

God help me.

I know you will.

But I have to ask,

because the fear and the sadness

are surrounding me right now.

Help me to put to death

the deeds of the flesh

and walk by your Spirit,

for your glory,

and to be a light.

Hold my heart,

heal it

be the keeper of it.

Only you are worthy

only you can help.

And you are able,

my Almighty God,

to do more than I can ask

or imagine.

Amen.

Will you dive in?

Will you dive in?

Fully identify yourself with Christ,

be “All in!”

in the game.

Fear makes me want to put my toe in

(not dive).

Fear can go in a little

and still change it's mind.

But when I dive, I'm all in!

There's no mid-air game changers.

It's done.

I dealt with fear at the shore,

and I won!

Nothing holds me back now.

God asked me if I’d dive in.

I thought I’d been swimming for so many years

I couldn't possibly be held back by fear,

Yet there it was.

What if I fail?

Could my pride handle the shame?

Maybe not,

but my true self is tenacious,

and hates being motivated by fear.

My true self dives in!

Fear be damned!

I'm all in.

2 areas of bondage I can see clearly in my life.

Both are generational sins

I have been steeped in

since my earliest memories.

Both color my personality

making me attractive to the world.

Both have such a strong hold on me,

only by the power of God

will I ever hope to be set free.

Worse,

no one roots for me to be set free,

except my Savior.

I long for that covering of kindness

Noah's son had,

who walked in backward and covered his father's shame.

I long for the covering of protection

of the lambs blood over the door post

when the angel of death passed by.

The covering God first made tenderly in the garden

to hide Adam and Eve's nakedness.

Oh God, I want to be all in.

No shadow of turning with thee.

You said you would never leave me

or forsake me,

How could I love you with half my heart

and turn to adore sin as well?

Fear comforts me with a different covering.

It says:

“Hide here, 

if you are seen for who you really are, 

they will reject you”.

There it is!

The weapon

that has been used to harm me for years.

Rejection.

When my dad left my family at 10,

I was rejected,

I followed and lived with him for years.

I tried to live with my Mom at 14

but when I felt my fathers pain and wanted to return to him,

my mother left the house and pushed me away (rejection again).

At 16 my dad kicked me out of the house for good.

This weapon

“rejection”

has been sharpened through years of suffering

and used against me at every thought of gaining help for my escape.

The bondage held over my head maybe from a defeated foe

but at the thought of being exposed

and turned away,

I willingly give my freedom back.

Even as I'm invited by the Lord to go all in,

I wonder if the bravery that has served me so well in life,

will fail me now.

Will I take myself out

of all my resolve

and rationalize my sin

and bondage

bow my head and silently

go back to my cell?

And I don't even know the way out.

Only a dim light off in the distance

that bids me to “confess my sin”

that I may be set free.

I confess often enough

but this continues to say “one to another”

so the truth is that:

God never means for us to go at this

“faith thing”

alone.

With mentors who are long sense dead,

being insufficient,

to the disappointment of my pride,

and fear of my flesh.

Oh God help me.

Is there no other way?..

Yes,

of coarse there is another way.

The scars from

years of bondage

have left their mark on my soul.

Yes, I can go at it alone.

Letting few in (to see the core of my pain).

Telling few of my fears,

and not often.

Years pass as my flesh wars against my spirit

both growing,

both using their tools well.

I walk with a limp (my pastor said)

as one marked by pain.

It was the abuse of my past,

the abuse of my present,

the grief for my sin

and the failings of my present.

The sorrow I cause the Lord

the sorrow I see in others

it's all I have been forgiven for

and for all I still do (that needs forgiveness)

it's for all that still wounds me

and all that grieves the heart of God.

I don't wonder why I cry,

I wonder why others don't.

There are tears in His presence.

They repent.

They are right and good for the soul.

One day (I know)

He will wipe away my last tears.

He has seen all the others

and sat near me in my times of sadness.

Just one more reason, I love Him so.

So when I hear:

“Will you dive in?”

How can I say

“No”?

Freedom

"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free". But many of us live in bondage, just praying and wishing to be set free. But the truth is, if nothing changes, nothing changes.

What creative ways can we change our bondage behavior? Let's make a plan. Take a minute and identify the longing in your heart. The ones we meet with counterfeits (or sin). Ask God to show you, what it looks like when this longing, is met by the Holy Spirit (instead). [and try changing your behavior]

It may be harder than it sounds but Phil 2:13 says "For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him". So let's pray for the "desire", and "the power" of God to help us.

Feel free to post your thoughts about this here, even if it's not specific to the sin, it will be an encouragement to others. We have a common love and a common struggle.

The sky is the limit

I read an "encouraging" sign in the street yesterday,
it said: "The sky is the limit!". 
I thought, how quaint...
then I smiled deeply 
to know without a doubt 
"The sky is NOT the limit!" 
And I prayed with the faith of a little girl, 
to my All Mighty Father, 
for impossible things, 
that would take all the resources of heaven 
and the power of my All Mighty God to accomplish. 
And I snickered at the thought 
that "the sky is the limit"...
No...
it most certainly is not.